Easy
by RazorLike
Summary: Sometimes you can only strive for your life, fight for your love and cry for your dreams;It is not easy...  But, Hell, who ever said that life treats you kind?
1. chapter 1 :First Friend

First Friend

Mello POV

"Look at him! My my, he's the new one.."

"_He_? Ghosh, Dear Lord, I thought it was a girl walkin'!"

"Shhht! He'll hear you!"

Like I couldn't hear them. I wasn't deaf or anything, it was pretty obvious actually that they were talking about me. I did stick out of the crowd as a teen. But I was barely a _teen_...

"What's his name? Where's he going to stay?"

"Dunno, but I'd like to invite him..."

"Are you crazy? Don't you see? Look at his eyes! They're glazy, like a vampire's. He seems haunted.."

"Think he's gonna bite me?"

"I don't want to try, you know..."

I held back laughter. _'Vampire'_? All right, that was the most stupid thing I'd ever heard! The word '_haunted'_ described me, though... Hell if I wasn't haunted at the age of ten. Just another orphan, yes, but from those ones with brains. And strong will to survive. That's why I managed to run away when my father...well...he was trying to suffocate my mother last time I checked. With her own pillow. She had no chance, poor woman... She always was submissive and my father was too aggressive while drunk, too powerful for her...

Well, I thought it was a good idea to leave, and to live, too. Easier said than done, as I soon realized. But somehow I managed it to the closest police station, I gave my name and my address, a vain attempt to save my mother and my life. But when they went and checked out, I was already an orphan. They hadn't make it in time...My father was arrested, of course, but my mother...

So I was entrusted to an orphanage, and after some weeks I ended up in Wammy's. I don't want to recall those weeks, excuse me...It was painful...

No, no, just kidding. Mr. Wammy was a nice person, but that's all I can say. Who can call someone who trusts a young boy to Roger nice and logical? Ah, Roger is something else. Stubborn, always stressed. I had a nice time teasing him to the limit. Poor guy...  
But there I was. Me, alone in a huge institution, being stared at by some hundreds of eyes, being commented and judged by countless lips. I hated it to my bones; it made me sick to my stomach.

'Look at him...Poor little boy..."

I didn't need their pity. I only needed to be left alone, to be left to adjust to this new part of my life.

'Shut up, Cor." A new voice. Very calm, almost indifferent, but hiding a great strength behind it. It made a difference and automatically intrigued me. Those three words were enough to silence both that boy, Cor, and his companion, to my surprise. I slowly turned to face the guy that helped me.

I met with a pair of goggled eyes and a bush-like red mess of hair. I frowned a little and the...goggled creature smiled. He reminded me of a hyper-grown fly, those goggles were ridiculously huge for his head! The...fly gave me a small half smile and titled his head to the side to get a better view of me. He seemed to enjoy what he saw, 'cause his smile grew a little wider -if possible-!

"What's your name?" he asked me calmly, unfazed by the weird look he was getting by his mates.

"I'm- " . I shouldn't tell him my real name. Roger had insisted on that, telling me that Mr. Wammy had a hard time erasing my name and my family history from the Police's catalogues. Officially I hadn't ever existed.

"I'm Mello." It was by far the most ridiculous name that hit my mind. But it was a name, whatsoever, and I could live with it.

"Matt."

Ok, God didn't hate me. There was a much more ridiculous name than my chosen one!

"Nice to meet ya..." he continued and then added "You're the newcomer, right? If you have no room yet, you can stay with me. Roger will be fine with it; he thinks I'm an un-ti-so-ci-al being. He even tried to make me speak to the pedopsychologist of the institution once."

Didn't sound_ that_ weird to me. A red-head...with goggles on...buggy jeans and ...gloves, for God sake! Oh, no, nothing really strange about him. Just another ordinary boy.

"And?" I asked, nor really waiting for an answer. He was probably told to take unti-crazy pills or something like that.

Matt smiled again and slipped a black game boy out of his pocket, setting it on. "The pedopsychologist had to pay a visit to a psychiatric clinic for a while..." he muttered and started taping the keys with a rhythmical 'tap-tap'.

I let a smile curl my lips upwards. The guy was good and had a sense of humor. Good combination.

"So, are you staying with me?" he asked again without looking at me.

"See you in our room" I turned on my heels ignoring the stunned glares I was receiving from Matt's companions. He kept playing with the game boy. I got to see, though, before leaving, another of his half smiles directed to me.

"Matt, what the Hell was that?"

"Yeah, the guy is a psycho! What got you?"

"...tap-tap-tap...cling-cling...tap-tap..."

And that's how I got to meet Matt.

"I'll...get the bed next to the wall." I said, but my words fell on deaf ears. He was playing with his game boy again, leaving the rest of the world out. That pissed me off.

I waited for a good minute for any kind of response, but it was fruitless. I felt a vein popping on my forehead and I gritted my teeth. Was he ignoring me on purpose? Nobody -and I mean NOBODY- would ignore me!

"Matt, why the Hell did you invite me here if you lack the intention to talk to me?" I shouted at his direction. He didn't even flinch. So he _was_ ignoring me, after all. I approached him and grabbed his game boy out of his hands. I threw it behind my back and heard it landing on the other side of the room, right on my bed.

Lucky thing...

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, damn it!" I yelled "Why the Hell did you tell me to stay here?" I searched for his eyes but they were covered by his goggles, so I reached my hand to reap them off.

"Don't." he calmly said and my hand froze seconds away from the frame. The reaction made me even angrier.

"Don't you _dare_ order me again, dipshit." And with a strong motion his goggles were off and thrown on the floor. He instantly closed his eyes tightly.

"Gimme back my goggles..." he whispered.

"What's wrong with you?" I screamed and let him fall on his back. He covered his eyes with his palms. "You're nuts! You invite me here and then don't give a shit! You just wanted to show off to your little friends, right? You talked to the new comer, wow, how brave you must be to talk to such a 'vampire-like' guy like me! I'm the new attraction now, am I not?" I said sarcastically. Hell, I was pissed, I was hurt and I desperately needed something to crush. That or I was going to break my own hands. I knotted them tightly together, wishing I wasn't there. I longed to be home again, with my mother...

She had always cared about me, those very short ten years of my life. Even bitten up she had a spare hug for me, despite the broken arms and bleeding palms, swollen face and sore body. She always had the time to teach me how to pray, using the rosary. She always helped me, saved me from my father...

The world was cruel. He had deprived me of my mother, my only support. He took my home away and let me alone. And he got me into this madhouse of an institution where no one cared, not even my roommate.

I hadn't realized I was crying till I felt the tears. I sat up on my bed and curled my body in a small ball. How I wanted to wake up and be found at home again...

'My eyes are green, like my mother's used to be..." I heard a whisper from the other side of the room. I didn't turn. "My mother always told me my eyes were beautiful. She used to tell me I was a good boy and that she loved me, but one day she left and dad told me she wouldn't come back no matter how I wanted to...After that he was drunk, always, and was violent. He would hit me and tell me I was ugly. To him, I was a green eyed monster. One night he left too, and then a policeman came home and told me I had to follow him. And that's how I ended up here... But my eyes are still green..." His voice faded to a little hurt murmur.

"Your eyes can't change color when you want them to, stupid..." I said blankly but my mind trailed off at the sound of his voice. It seemed wrong that such a nice voice had to be stained with sadness.

I turned my head and faced him. He had his palms still on his face but I could tell he was hiding his tears. I stood up and picked his goggles from the floor, unharmed despite my rough behavior. They were tinted orange with a slight green frame.

"My mom gave the goggles to me. She told me once that if I wanted to change the world I had to start from the color. I thought orange was a funny color to paint the world with, and nobody would like it. Nobody would want to have orange hair, not even red like mine. The world seems so crazy with them on, you know. And despite what they think, people shine like nothing else would." He laughed a little, but it was forced. "I miss her..."

I sat on his bed and he noticed. "I told you to come here because you reminded me of myself when you first entered. You seemed alone and in need of a friend. I also needed a friend, but nobody wanted to befriend me...I seemed weird to them."

"I don't need friends." I stated, but it wasn't true and he knew.

"But I need one..." he said and uncovered his eyes. A bright pare of emerald colored eyes, fogged with tears.

"You lied to me..." I told him and saw his pained expression, but I cut him off before he could tell anything. "You told me your eyes are green. But your eyes are emerald."

In an instant, I didn't realize how, we were found hugging each other. He was sobbing, I was sobbing and it felt right to be like that. Our tears mended, our hair was a mess, but we held each other close. And I felt it: a thin bond, a shred of fate, still unsure, binding us together.

"Mello..." he called me and I looked down to meet his eyes. "We're friends now, aren't we?"

Were we? Could I be the friend he wanted to be supported by? Was I good enough to be his friend? I highly doubted that. But I would try. I'd be the _best_ for him. Matt deserved the best, not just something good enough. He was alone in this world, hurt to his soul, lost in his misery...Just like me.

If I wanted to protect him from being hurt ever again, I had to be perfect. And I would...

"Mello..?" he questioned again, eyes full of tears again.

"Friends...? If not that then what, damn it?" I said seriously and then we both busted into a wild laughter.

That was it...That night I knew I had a friend. My first friend.  
I had Matt. And it came so naturally to me.

To him.

To _us. A_n_ us _that added to our lives.

So easy...

_**Umm, ok, I think this chap's over...Let's go for the next one, shall we?**_

_**Please tell me what you think about it! I'm so stressed, I haven't written anything in a very long time! **__**I'm starving for reviews!**_

_**xxx**_


	2. Chapter 2 :Aliby

_**Mello POV**_

**Alibi**

**...**

_We both could see crystal clear _

_The inevitable end was near _

_Made our choice, trial by fire_

_To battle is the only way to feel_

_...alive..._

"Get the Hell out of here." The boy in front of me glared at me but didn't move. He stepped closer to the shivering mass of clothes on the floor, a system of trembling limbs. He had a devilish smile on his lips that really pissed me off, sending shivers run down my spine, but I couldn't move closer. He was too close to the mass. Dangerously close.

"What if I want to stay right here and play some more with your little friend? What will you do?" he calmly asked and took another step closer to the boy on the floor. I froze. He knelt next to the boy and faked a tender pat on the boy's back. The latter shivered in pain and I heard a hiss that made my blood freeze in my veins.

"Let him go. He has nothing to do with us." My voice was pitiful, I could ever hear the light plead in it. It made me want to vomit in disgust. And fear. For the first time in my life I was so afraid I couldn't even move. How could I ever let him so close to Matt? I had to had prevent all of it...

_**-Flashback-**_

Matt and I were having a brake in the common room, him playing with his game boy and me just watching around. I noted a boy that I had once hit for stealing my books, another that I had helped with some easy exercises...And a boy I had sent to the nursery for a really long time. Broken leg. He had tried to get in my bedroom and steal whatever I had in, but I caught him and...well, let's say he didn't have a good time.

"Why do you always get those weird glares...?" Matt asked me, still concentrated to his game.

"I'm not popular" I said and scanned the room once more. That boy was staring at me. I frowned. What did he want now?

"I can see that..." Matt commented and his eyes flew to the boy with a curious expression. "Hey, that boy on the corner...Do you know him?" he asked.

I wanted to tell him, but...

"No". I had to protect him from getting in trouble. It was the first mistake to be done, as it proved later on...

"Oh..." he just said but his brows arched. A twisted expression appeared on his face and he was gaming again. That confused me, but I didn't say anything. I would explain this sometime...

But I didn't have the time. After an hour I left the common room to pay a quick visit to the toilet. When I got back both Matt and that boy weren't there.

"Shit..." I hissed and stormed out again. I run to the central hall, to the corridors that linked the many champers of Wammy's, to the bathrooms (and they were four of them), I even checked the attic. They were nowhere to be found.

"Shit, Matt where are you?" I coursed under my breath and pressed my face to the closest cool wall, trying to catch my breath. That wall saved Matt. I could hear his voice pleading behind that wall, and something like smacking coming out. I quickly opened the first door I met and saw them: that boy standing above Matt, and Matt on the floor. The boy tore his eyes from his victim and glared me with a happy smile.

"So, you've finally made it here..."

_**-end of flashback-**_

"Why are you doing this?" I asked and gritted my teeth.

"Oh, c'mon, isn't it obvious? God and they say you're smart." he mocked me and managed another kick on Matt's sides. He groaned in pain.

I was pacing before my mind could record the move.

"A-a-a...We don't want to injure the poor boy, now, do we?" his finger, pointing Matt stopped me. Damn...

I froze. Of course I didn't want that psycho to injure my friend. But I had to save him. How? '_Think, Mello, think! Use that brains of yours!'_

"So...you asked why I'm doing this." he casually said and knelt next to Matt on the floor. He grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled his head up. Matt yelped and tightly closed his eyes to prevent the tears from rolling out. "It's so simple, Mello...I just wanted to show you what it feels to be in pain. It's like this." His fist connected with Matt's jaw and he gasped. "...like this" he kicked Matt's stomach and he screamed. "Like this." he punched his face and Matt screamed. He was hurting him..._Damn!_

I saw red. In an instant I was above him. I smacked his hand off Matt's hair and threw him on the floor.

His eyes grew wide with surprise as his head hit the floor with a loud thud."W-what are you doing?" he whispered in fear.

"Showing you what happens to whoever touches Matt." I hissed through my teeth and send him flying with a fist to his groin. He yelled but I was long gone. I just wanted to save Matt, not kill the boy.

I'd find time for that later...

"Matt...Matt, can you hear me?" I whispered and touched my friend's face lightly. He opened a pair of watery eyes and he forced a smile. My heart ached to his sight. He reminded me of my mother.

"Y-yeah...fine..." he gasped and gasped again, once more as I tried to lift him from the floor.

"Hold on, I'm taking' you to the nurse's "I lulled him and support him, throwing his arms over my shoulders. "You're going to be fine." I told him and he husked. Maybe he didn't actually have the strength to talk.

"Mello..." he whispered while I was drugging him down the corridor to the nursery.

"Shh, it's ok, we're close now."

"Mello stop..." he muttered and I turned to face him. He instantly pushed me on the wall and he knelt down holding his stomach. He threw up repeatedly. I held him in order not to fall, but both he and I were trembling.

"Are you ok?" I asked and helped him up once more. Silly question, of course he wasn't ok.

He nodded...Eyes shut he held my hand and, legs shaking, he stood up. "Ok...I'm ok..."

The way to the nursery was long; I thought he was too injured to even move. But in the end he was able to make it to a bed, and I immediately called the nurse. Said woman came spinning on her heels and gave me the usual "Leave me alone with the patient" look. I was too worried for Matt not to comply...

I had no actual reason for my being so aggressive or so protective, or so anxious around Matt. The thing was that I was anxious _about_ Matt. God, I had only left him alone for ten minutes or so and look what happened! That freak (oh, he was going to pay for that) beat the shit out of him! No wonder the aim was me, but..._Matt_ was the one who was hurt, mainly because of me, partially because of his misfortune to be my friend. And I couldn't protect him! I just had to protect him, but-but-but...

_'Agh, no way...How could I have possibly known that this boy aimed for Matt to make me suffer?'_ But, on the other hand, that was a reason why I had no friends. Friends are a soft spot; your enemies know where to hit you. So, it seemed that Matt was my soft spot...Hmm..._'Wait, suffer?'_ Why did I, to begin with? The answer would have to wait. I needed a clear mind to concentrate...

But, above all, I needed time to understand why I felt so scared when I saw him on the floor. The world seemed cold for a while as I thought he was-

_"Stop. He's fine now." _Yes, but I was the reason why he was hurt. No matter how much I thought about it, I would come to the same conclusion: it was my fault...

"He's ok now, you can see him, Mello!" the nurse told me happily and I stormed in the room without a moment hesitation.

"Wow, calm down..." a soft voice welcomed me. I turned my eyes to see Matt on a bed, and I shoved myself on him. He gasped.

"You're nuts, Matt! You're nuts!" I cried. "Why did you follow him, huh, why?"

"Take it easy, Mels...He just said he wanted to show me something...I'm fine now thanks to you..." he whispered and hugged me.

"No you silly, you're bitten _because_ of me!" I screamed but hugged him back. It was too much to refuse him, anyway.

"Don't agree." he simply said and pulled away. He smiled and I could clearly see a purple bruise along his jaw line, and another one under his left eye. Ouch...that must had hurt...

"I'm sorry for that." I muttered and dragged my finger tips on the bruise under his eye. The skin felt hot and pulsating.

"You didn't hit me, he did, and I don't care about it so much anyway." he calmly stated and smiled this never-fading-away-smile of his.

"But that bo-"

"Mello_ listen_ to me! I know. He wanted to drag you along in order to hit you too. I know something has happened between the two of you and I won't ask you till you're ready to tell me yourself. Sure it was something crappy again, him saying something wrong and you hitting the roof, but it's fine." He looked at me with those brilliant emerald eyes and I could see how serious he was about it."You can't change what you are, Mels, and I don't want you to either. What you do is what you are and...Look, you're my friend and I like you for what you _are_! So, excuse me but I have no problem with it..."

That was a surprise. I felt Matt had red through the lines this time and knew exactly why I was so afraid and anxious. That part of our friendship usually belonged to me, so it was weird -but pleasant- to see Mat taking my place for once. He could understand me the same way I did...

"But this boy and I wer-" I tried to protest, even so half hearted.

"I know, Mello, but I really, really don't care! I mean, ok, he punched me a little and I can't say it didn't hurt, but...but.." He seemed out of words, but his eyes spoke much louder than his lips would ever do. I had thought many times in the past that his eyes were the most expressive thing on him, and I was proven right, there was only one more thing to ask after those words.

"If you knew, why did you go?"

He glared me with a hint of determination in his eyes and I felt my heart jumping in my chest. God, I loved his eyes...

"I knew you'd come." he told me and hugged me again.

It was crazy. And it was twisted. And it was real. He trusted me. And I knew he was right. I could have _never_ left him alone, I would have searched for him even outside the building, I would have turned the whole world upside-down in order to save him. A punch more or one less was nothing compared to what I would have done for him.

It was clear for both of us that our lives were bonded together; it was proven more than once or twice along the years we knew each other. It was inevitable that one day this would come, finding the real meaning of our friendship. Our choices made us who we were, and mine led me to find the only person I would ever truly...love.

_"Oh, no..."_

I had no alibi for dragging Matt along this brute life of mine, but I did. I had no reason to let him be my friend, because I knew it would hurt someday, would hurt us both. But now we were friends. And it was absolutely forbidden to me to even _feel_ in order not to have a soft spot, 'cause I wanted to succeed in whatever I had in mind. And when you have something else in your mind apart from your goal, you usually fail. It was wrong from the start to befriend Matt. Everything was wrong...

The problem was that I always did the _wrong_ thing.

* * *

_**Pfff, at last this one is over...^^. Well, would you mind to tell me how it was? I really want to know in order not to make mistakes in the other chapter I'm about to write! Please, R&R**_

_**Oh, I almost forgot again :**__** Disclaimer**__**- I don't own Death Note or the song "Alibi" by 30'' To Mars.**_

_**xxx**_


	3. Chapter 3 :Rosary

_**Note : Ok, this is just a small chap, very short. Something like an introduction to the next chapter...!**_

* * *

**Rosary**

_**Mello POV**_

It was hard to breathe. It always was after _that_ nightmare. I always felt my chest heaving violently, my heart wanting to stop, my lungs burning with the screams I was keeping in. My mind felt numb and my eyes...Oh my eyes...I felt my eyes aching from the tears I so wanted to let go but never did.

When I opened them I saw Matt staring at me, standing right above me with worry. Under his tender glare on me, I felt something moist running down my face. '_Oh, great...'_

"That nightmare again?" Matt asked and wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.

"Yes." I simply said and closed my eyes again, hoping to sleep and forget.

"What is it about? You never really told me what you're dreaming about..." Matt whispered and I felt him sitting beside me, touching lightly my back. I shivered and shifted place to face him.

"It's about the night I run from home...Happy now?" I muttered, hoping that would be enough for him to leave me alone. I didn't want to bother him with that story. But he wasn't to stop asking.

"Not even close." I sighed.

"Mello, tell me...It can't be just that." he insisted and I gazed irritated at him.

"Matt, just go to bed and let me sleep." I ordered with the iciest voice I could master.

"Nah, I want to stay here...C'mon on Mels, you know you can trust me with everything..." and he smiled at me. His eyes were sparkling with determination, and I could never say 'no' when his goggles were off his eyes. He reminded me of a stray little puppy...

"Uh, you're not gonna just let me sleep, now, will you?" But I half smiled myself. He had won this time and he knew it.

"Yup."

"All right..." I sat and rested my back against the head border of my bed, staring right in his eyes. He always was the patient one, so he waited for me to feel sure and comfy...

"So, this nightmare is always about _that_ night. The night I left home, after my mom's death. I had once told you that I had immediately gone to the nearest police station." . I huffed. "I lied. The first thing I'd done was to try save mom. He was hitting her very hard that one time and...dunno, I felt like I could help her. When I tried to tear him off her he grabbed my neck and threw me on the floor." I gulped and tore my eyes from Matt. His own eyes were wide with fear. "Yeah, I hit my head, but that was nothing. He punched me in the face then, and when I fell back he..." I touched my neck with my hand and then my chest. "...he tore the rosary mother had given to me off my neck. The beads broke, and he kind of danced on them..."

"Mello..." I couldn't look at Matt. His voice was so stained with unsaid sadness; I felt my heart jumping in my chest. I didn't want to see the pain in his eyes too. "Mello...that must still hurt..." he assumed, and I huffed again.

"It does...I told you, it was my mom's. Just like your goggles and Game Boy..." I bitterly said and felt a little jealous. I had nothing to remind me of her now. Only some hurt memories, blur and shaky.

I suddenly felt something warm on my chest. I turned my eyes downwards and faced a mop of red, messy hair and a bright pair of emerald eyes. "Your _heart_ is still here..." Matt whispered and placed his cheek against the left side of my chest. "Your _mother_ is still here, Mels...You don't need that rosary to remember her, you know." he said and nuzzled against me. I circled my arms around his tiny frame.

"I know...I just used to touch it when I was feeling sad, or mad at something. It used to calm me down and keep me company, as if she was here..." I muttered and hid my face in his hair, taking deep breaths to calm down. Matt's scent was all over me and I felt relaxed with his light pressure against me.

"I can sleep here tonight, if you want..." he suggested and glared up at me. I felt my lips turning lightly upwards.

"That'd be great..."

He smiled at me and hugged my waist with one hand, the other resting atop my chest where my rosary used to be. It felt nice and warm to be like this...My hand crept in his hair and I lightly massaged his scalp with my fingertips, just like I knew he liked. He moaned deep in his chest, vibrating like a real puppy would do. That made me smile again. _'Thank you, Matty...'_

"Try to sleep now, Mello...it'll help you a lot..." Matt mumbled already half asleep. I smirked and placed my hand on his shoulder blades.

"That's right...Good night Matt..."

"Good night Mello..."

* * *

_**I told you it'd be short, I'm sorry about it...**_

_**Till my next chapter...**_

_**xxx**_


	4. Chapter 4 :Happy Birthday

_**Note : This chapter continues from where we had left them, in that nursery. I have to say I'm sorry for that back-and-forth thing I've done with the story line. It might be confusing, but I wanted to add the previous chapter as an explanation to this one, and I didn't know where to put it. **__**So...Here we go.**_

* * *

**Happy birthday, Mello...**

**Matt POV**

I was grateful Mello was my friend from the first day we met. And he actually saved my life with that boy...Yeah, I wanted to tell him so many things about it but I never dared to say a "thanks"...It seemed a Hell of a small word for everything I wanted to tell him. Things like _"I thought I was dead meat"_, or _"you saved my bat back there, I wish I could do the same"_ and _"I'll always be there to save you, even if I'm so weaker than you"_ , or even _"Hell, I own you my life."_

And so many other things, so less friendly. Things like _"I'm happy you're here for me"_, or _"I so damn like you"_, or _"Don't you dare leave me. Ever."_ or ...Hell, he knew, I'm sure he did. The moment we locked eyes back in that nursery I saw it in his eyes that he knew. He could always read me like an open book. But it was a first for me to do that, too. For once Mello was vulnerable, the curtain was off his eyes. He was afraid and worried, in denial of his own feelings and so relieved that I was fine. I felt that last one when he hugged me. He was oozing pure relief, and I couldn't be happier.

But...there's always a "but". Something just wasn't right. It felt uneasy for him to be around me, as if he didn't know what to do. As if he was confused about something, but that was all I would tell about it. Why would he be confused, anyway? He was never the kind of person that feels uneasy being around people. Quite the contrary, I'd say, and the other way 'round for me.

Anyway, I didn't care so much for that...Whatever the reason, Mello would be the same again after we get back to our routine...Or would he?

Well, as the days passed it was becoming more and more difficult to find Mello due to the heavy cloud of stress and tension he was hiding himself behind. When I wanted to talk to him he would glare absently at me and then turn his eyes to whichever book he was holding. Or he would exit the room we were in, in order not to face me. So easy...

I was losing my friend, I could feel it. Above that, I was losing my _mind_! I had to do something or Mello would fade away! I was really not calm when it came to consider a life without Mels...

No, scratch that. The sole idea of him not being close to me within seconds terrified me.

I was doomed...

...

A shiny day reminded me that Mello's birthday was pretty close. And, despite not being so friendly lately (a week and a day, to be precise, had passed from the 'accident' with that boy), turning thirteen is something unique. So, from the very morning of the day of his birthday, I decided I had to find a present for him. The thing was I didn't know where to go and what to buy.

I was lucky that day was the one Roger had the idea he needed a day off Wammy's. I would miss a whole day of classes, but it would worth it if I could persuade him to let me out with him. As it proved, it wasn't that complicated. I just had to blink a few times and sniff miserably, telling him I had to find a gift for...my _girlfriend_. Yeah, not the brightest of the ideas, Mello would be pissed if he ever found out, but it was something out of nothing.

What? He let me go, now, didn't he?

Poor Roger was so happy to let me sit next to him in the car all the way to the nearest town. He seemed amused that I had a girlfriend, and pretty proud I wanted him to advice me about the present I wanted to buy _'her'_. Whatever...I just wanted some hours in a shop. The most crazy or unique thing I saw would be for Mello...

"Here we are, young man." Roger called friendly when we had finally arrived in the town and I fixed my eyes on a huge shop in front of me. The glacier windows were reflecting my form, but that merely was the reason why I was staring. Behind the glass, something caught my attention and I smiled brightly at my reflection.

"You can look whatever you want, Matt, and we-"

"I found it." I cut him off with the same bright smile. I pointed with my finger the shop window, and Roger arched his brows at what I was pointing.

"Aw...Do you think your girlfriend will like that?" he asked, still staring at the item I wanted to buy.

"Oh, he'll love it..." I muttered, and immediately bit my lips. I hoped Roger hadn't heard...

"Ok then...Off you go." he shrugged his shoulders and I opened carefully the door, sliding in the shop. I didn't fit in there, everything was shiny and carefully rest in comfortable cases, wrapped in silver or shiny black velvet wrappers...But it was _The_ place to find something for Mello. I could do that...

"Is there something I can do for you, boy? the cashier asked me with a surprised but gentle smile, and I gulped. I felt heating up and I pointed with a trembling finger the item I wanted to buy. It wasn't expensive, but it looked so great in its simple wooden box that I thought it was suitable for Mello...

"That? That is what you want?" the cashier smiled again and touched the box with a glow of love in her eyes. "It's old, and it's nice, don't you think?" she asked me.

"I think it's beautiful...Just like the person I want to give it to." I mumbled and blushed harder.

"Oh, I see..." she smirked and closed the box carefully. She headed to the treasury and choose a mat black wrapper. "The present is something unique, you know. It must never show off too much, or else it loses its meaning." she finished wrapping the box and put it in my waiting arms.

"So...who is it for?" she asked with genuine curiosity.

"For...a friend..." I muttered and dropped my eyes to the floor. It was the truth...partially.

"It must be a really close friend...You're lucky then!" she cheerfully said and pated my head.

I paid her and waved goodbye. Roger was waiting for me outside, and we set off to a nearby café. He ordered some coffee for himself a glass of juice for me. I didn't notice the taste for my mind was already backing at Wammy's. It was the first time I longed to be there as soon as possible...

Roger stared at me intently all the way back to the Orphanage. I had my eyes on my lap, where the wrapped present was laying. My stomach was full of something I couldn't tell, but it was a pleasant feeling, nonetheless. I wanted to show Mello what I brought him! Would he like it? Would he keep it? Was it too much, would it cause him pain? I hoped no, but the-

"Matt, we're back, boy. C'mon, get out off the car..." Roger told me and I opened the door without a second thought.

"Thanks a lot, Roger! I own you!" I yelled behind my back as I was running inside the Orphanage. I was sure Mello was in our room, waiting for m-

_'Oh, crap...'_. My legs stilled, unable to move a step forward. I had forgotten the strange behavior of Mello during the other week. How was I supposed to give him a present when we, practically, didn't actually speak to each other? We hadn't held a conversation since we got back to our room, after that day. And now I was coming back like "yeah, happy birthday Mello, I brought you something to calm you down a little. So, please, accept it and don't hit me, right?"

Pathetic...

But, then again, desperate times call for desperate actions. And I was in despair, and would go worse if we kept like that. My one and only friend weren't talking to me for about a week for God knows whatever reason I didn't know! I had to do this, I would do this.

_'Mello...'_

I greeted my teeth and ordered my legs to move. It was his birthday, anyway, and I would give him this present no matter what.

I stopped again outside our door and took a deep breath, then opened and slipped in the room with his name falling from my lips as a 'hi', but I stopped. He was laying on my bed, curled up, his face on my pillow...I smirked, he seemed so peaceful. I hadn't seen his like that...well, for a _long_ time. Truth be told, Mello was never the calm type. So I seized those precious moment of him being relaxed as much as I could.

I soundlessly moved towards the bed and sat on the edge close to him. He shifted a little when he sensed me, and his face turned towards me.

"Hey, Mel...Wake up, sleepy head..." I muttered and ruffled lightly his golden locks. He groaned in his sleep and I smirked. "Somebody's tired, huh? Well, pity, 'cause I had something here for you, Mello..." I said and rested my hand on his cheek as I'd done so many times before. He "hned" and cracked an eye, still fogged from sleep.

"Matt..." he whispered and both his eyes were on me.

"Yeah, here I am, Mel...Got you something, wanna see?" I asked again and smiled with his twisted expression.

"You...got me something?" he repeated and sat slowly back at my bed. "What for?". His eyes flew from my face to the wrapped box behind me.

"It's your birthday, silly! Happy birthday!" I laughed, and his eyes grew wide with recognition this time.

"You remembered!" he exclaimed.

"You thought I'd forget my best buddy's birthday?" I pouted, but maybe my expression was a little too sad, 'cause he suddenly hugged me tightly and breathed in my neck.

"Of course not...I'm just happy you did..." And his laugh filled the room, a real laugh. I thought I had never heard such a great sound.

"C'mon, open it!"I pushed him off of me and placed the box on his lap. "C'mon!"

He slowly unwrapped the present, his eyes never leaving mine, and the old wooden box appeared. Mello tossed aside the black wrapper and placed his hands on the wood, feeling it underneath his fingers. With another glare towards me, he slowly opened the box and gasped in surprise.

My heart stopped as his hand crept in the box and pulled out my present. Bead after bead, an old black and dark red rosary was revealed before my friend's surprised eyes. A small silver cross hugging on the very edge shined as it lay on Mello's palm, and I couldn't resist the thought that it suited him. He was himself a small, shiny cross...

"Matt..." he gasped again, and his voice was shaky. "Matt, that's...tha-"

"That's from me, and it's for you." I cut him off and tightened his palm around the cross with my own hand. "Just..Just keep it, ok? It's for you..." Oh, why I was being so sentimental? My eyes were even misted!

"Thank you..." he whispered and looked me right in the eye. He was holding back tears too. He was so filled with emotions, and I could feel he was ready to explode within minutes, like a bomb. I could feel it in the air that was thick around us, just like the calm before the storm.

"Mello, I-..." _No. Stop it._

"What is it?" he searched for my eyes again, longing to hear that something I was about to say. But no…

"I..wish you happy birthday...And I want you- I need you to be happy, all right? Just...be happy..." _Shit_. That was the most I could say for now.

He was disappointed, but happy at the same time. He held the rosary right on his heart, then kissed the cross and placed it around his neck. It fit perfectly, as if it was made for him. The cross touched his stomach and stayed there...

And he was back. Mello, my Mello, was back again. It was like we had scratch that week from our memory, and everything went back to _almost_ normal. Almost...

Only the tension grew more and more at times, so much that I felt I'd be torn apart if I held it a little longer. But I just couldn't let go, or I would destroy everything. So pressed...so stretched...

Yeah, it was easy to forget every tension for Mello, leave it all behind and keep going the way I used to. I could accept those weird moments between us, my feelings for him, everything, though it wasn't clear...I really didn't know what it was what I was feeling, but I needed to bottle up. I didn't even think what would be like...bursting out. Something like _Crash-Boom-Bang_, I suppose. I had to hold it.

It was easy, it had to be...

And the days passed in line, one after another, some with peace, some with the building up tension between us...

Easy...like the calm before the storm...

* * *

_**Ok. That went a little better that I had expected to... What do you think? It wasn't that easy to write that, but I wrote it nonetheless! I wanted Matt to express something, but...don't know, it's far too early. It's immature ^^.**_

_**And, again (do I really have to say it in every chapter?) : I don't own Death Note.**_

_**See you in my next upload, though it may be a little late, or else a little too fast( :p )**_

_**Till my next chapter...**_

_**xxx**_


	5. Chapter 5 : Holding emotions

**Holding emotions**

**Mello POV**

_A year had passed from Mello's birthday..._

"Are you coming? They say a new kid is about to arrive. Roger was pretty amused with him..." Matt commented while placing his goggles reassuringly on his eyes. I noted he was doing that lately when he was to exit our room, like covering his eyes would help hiding his emotions. It was partially true, 'cause his eyes were the most expressive part on him, but...it was weird. I had told him once and he had laughed at me. "As if you're not weird at times, Mels!" he had said and I had frowned. Was it weird not to be so closed-up when it came to talk to others? Geh, whatever...

I didn't want to push him in anything. He was already stressed around me, he needed to calm down. At times I really was surprised he could stand me and my strange acting around him...I didn't know how to act, the fact is. Since he gave me that Rosary everything had changed. The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me. I wondered why. His behavior pushed me to act strange myself, just 'cause I didn't know how he wanted me to act. It was twisted...

But he was Matt, and I was Mello. So, neither of us said anything about that tension between us. Maybe it was the fact he had turned thirteen and I was fourteen. We both were geniuses at that age, so we knew things would get complicated due to ...hormones, to say it simple. Over hormonal teens, kept in a room for hours, having nothing to do except studying.

Oh, studying. It was the reason of my very existence. The first day I came in Wammy's I knew I had to be perfect, and perfect I was. Of course there was a goal behind that. First to be perfect for Matt and, second to be the next L. Huh, what a great story that was... L, the greatest detective was now searching for the most famous criminal of the whole world, the most known and dangerous. Number One Criminal, Kira. I had heard he could kill you just by knowing your name, or (even better) by looking at you. Creepy...

So, all the kids of Wammy's were to be the successors of L, to be the next L. Only one would make it to the top, and I had long ago decided I'd be that one, to protect myself and Matt. I would have never wanted to see him suffer, or worse, been killed by a crazy killer who would accidentally lay eyes on him. I would never let that happen.

Oh, I didn't meention that "Kira" means "Killer" in Japanese...How suitable...

"No, I'd rather not see that new one today..." I said and stared my eyes back to my book. I had to study for the next exams. Matt, on the other hand...I had never seen him studying, or even reading something. How he was just below me was still a secret to me.

"Aw, will you spend your days here like a good boy studying for the exams?" Matt teased me and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes" I answered and turned the page I was reading.

"Oh, Mello...You've read this book so many times I'm sure you know it by heart right now!" Matt exclaimed and walked to me, grabbing the book off of my hands. I sighed.

"That's the point!" I told him and rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"No, that's not the point! C'mon, I'm not leaving you here today, you're coming with me downstairs. We'll see this new one and then have some fan, ok?" he cheered and grabbed my hand, dragging me from my bed without waiting for an answer.

"Matt, lemme go!" I laughed as I forced my body down and pulled him down too. He landed on me with a yelp and I laughed harder.

"Aw, you know you want it.." he purred straddling my legs and stared at me with a smile that made my heart jump in my chest. _CRAP-CRAP-CRA-_

"W-want what?" I shuddered and shifted awkwardly, his weigh pinning my legs.

"Wanna go down with me, what else?" he blinked innocently and I blushed.

_'Go down with you? Oh, you don't want to know...' _Oh, not _again...'Me and my thoughts'_

"Y-yeah...what else..?" I muttered and stood up. This tension again, it was gathering in me, somewhere, in my chest, in my belly...

Matt smiled and stood up too, opening the door with a shaky hand. "Let's go."

We headed downstairs without talking and I felt so weird again. Hell, I had acted so strange in our room! I had felt this strong urge (again) to do something, anything. Something involving my lips on Matt, his hands on me, m-

"There he is..." Matt whispered in my ear and I mentally snapped. I was daydreaming. My eyes almost popped out. I was daydreaming about me and my best friend.(_Friend_ being the key word. I had to remember this while with Matt). I violently shake my head. The Hell..? I had to wake up.

"Mello, are you even here? There, that boy must be the newcomer!" Matt muttered again and he shivered. "God...he is creepy..."

I'd agree to this. That boy, though the word didn't described him, he didn't seem to be an actual boy, was something to stare at. Creepy short, he looked like a nine year old -I doubted he was- who had grown up very fast. Platinum white hair...yeah, something very usual among nine year olds. And those weird grey eyes..No, not grey.

A shiny _silver_ that made my brows twist.

And then he turned and glared me. His eyes burnt holes on me and I shivered. His thin, pale lips moved as if to for the faintest of smile, and then his eyes were on the ground again. I shrugged my shoulders. '_What a weird boy...'_

"Let's all welcome Near, who will stay here from now on, with our big family!" Roger cheered, and some dozens of voices said, not ever lividly : "Welcome Near". I just huffed and stared at Matt, who had the same look on his face.

"Family?" we both mouthed without a sound and smirked simultaneously. That bitch of a family we had once was far better than this new one. Everyone was, practically, alone and lost in their personal Hell. And everybody against everyone, as always. Wammy may seemed a happy place for little children, something like "Foster home form imaginary friends". Shiny as a silver spoon, but with sharp edges ready to chop idyllic is always far from reality. Oh, and want to know something?

Reality _sucks_.

...

"Well, he must be good to be here." Matt said and hoped on my bed, comfortably blinking his arms behind his head.

"Yeah...but he's crappy." I retorted and closed the door behind me. The image of those silver eyes was haunting me and I wanted nothing but forget all about this so called "Near" and be..._far_ from him.

"Crappy? I'd say _creepy_, but if you want..." Matt slipped his Game Boy out of his pocket and set it on. "And..." he said with his fingers dancing on the keys with this eternal _'tap-tap-tap'_ "he can't be better that you, anyway, if that's why you're worried. You're number one." he simply said and continued playing.

"Of course I am." I said back at him, but I could hear the smile in my voice. Matt would never stop surprising me. He could say the most crazy things at the most crazy times. Just like when he had told me he was hungry in the middle of the night. No, let me explain first... He had shoved me off my bed to yell at my face "Mello, I need to eat!" with not much than a _'sorry'_ for my sore bat. He could act crazy, yes.

His words were touchy, but I would never admit it to him. I held the secret joy that I was good for him. But why was it so important for me, anyway?

"You know, he might have better grades that I do after some time". Means_ never._

"I don't believe that, but you never know". Means _bushtit_

"Oh, yeah? We'll see that..." Means _want to bet?_

"Mello...you'll always be number one to me no matter the grades. You know that, right?" Means...

Oh, not again...Just not _again_! I could feel my face heating up, God, you could even fry an egg on my cheeks! _'Why to me?'_

"T-thanks Matt...I believe you..." I mumbled and when I looked at him he had closed his Game Boy and was staring deep in my eyes. His goggles were on the top of his head, protecting his eyes from the stray strands of red hair.

And I felt it again. This strange urge to go grab him and...Explode.

_'Stop it!'_

"G-got to g-go. See you around." I turned and opened the door, running out as quickly as human possible. A surprised gasp was heard behind the closed door, but I chose not to hear it. I had to go away now or I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do anyway...

Oh, why was everything turning so bad everyday that passed? What were those weird feelings inside my head? What was it? Every time I was around Matt I would end up running away 'cause my own feeling scared me to death! I didn't dare to think how Matt would react if I did something strange! But what that thing would be? I didn't even know what I wanted to do! It was so complicated when it came to Matt...He was my best friend, the person I trusted the most and, as it proved, loved the most. But love is such a vague word, and I didn't think I was into the right kind of it.

Matt was so many things to me, my friend and the brother I never had, the young I wanted to protect, the one I was fighting for... And the one I loved, but I already knew that...

'Is that it? I always knew I loved Matt, why is it so weird now?'

The genius I was, I knew all about relationships between sexes, the straight ones and the non straight. I was confused 'cause I had liked some girls from Wammy's in the past, but never a single boy. So I couldn't be gay. Logical assumption, ne?

'Ok, think...' I sat down on the floor and rested my head in my hands. 'Matt is someone special to me, and I love him. The thing is I've never felt something so strong for another person, not even close actually...Agh...' I sighed and scratched the back of my neck. Those thought led me to a great, bright nowhere.

'Say I am gay...Then what?'. Then nothing. Matt wasn't gay, I could have tell by now.

Luckily now I knew what I felt. Small help, but it was something. This urge...I blushed. I only wanted to have pressed my lips against him to show him how much he meant to me. I wanted to have hugged him and pulled him close to me, hide my face in his neck like he had done the first time we met an-

_'...and Matt would punch me in the face for the very close proximity and run away screaming 'gay!'...'_

"So-so good..." I bitterly whispered and let my head fall back. I had to hold my emotions to myself. Scaring Matt was the last thing I wanted. I needed him by my side for my sanity.

The thing was that I wanted him by my side too much for my own good...

* * *

_**And now...Review? :)**_

_**Should I keep writing? This chapter is so-so short, but it helps me to keep writing in a rhythm.**_

_**xxx**_


	6. Chapter 6 : We're Friends

_**A/N**__** : I know I'm late, sorry for that, but I couldn't make it earlier! Though it's Easter vacations, I'm a little too busy. And, as always, I don't have a standard day of publishing my new chapters, so everything's delayed.**_

_**Yet, here's a new chapter. **__**Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Matt POV **_

**We're Friends**

Ok...that was weird and don't say it wasn't. One moment he was in the room and the other found me alone gasping to his absence. Come to think of it, I really didn't say something bad...And I didn't say exactly what I wanted to have said, as always.

I closed my eyes and leaned back to Mello's pillows. They smelled faintly of him and I sighed contently. I had many times thought his aroma had something addictive to me, this combination of chocolate and his own scent. It usually sent me sniffing like a maniac his sheets and his clothes when he wasn't around.

Pathetic...

'But where is he?' I wondered and cracked an eye. Just in time to see him slipping in the bathroom. How come hadn't I realized he came in, in the first place?

"Mello?" I called and stood up, heading for the bathroom. I tried the handle but it was locked from the inside. "Mello, what the Hell?" I called again and grasped nervously the handle once more. "Let me in!"

"Not in a million years..." I heard his voice, slightly trembling from the other side of the thin wooden door. Ok, now that...

"What got you? Why did you leave?" I asked and pushed the door with my back, hoping he would open it.

"None of your business, really." Mello calmly said and my head snapped. None of my business?

"Oh, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. Now, can you please go away, I want to have some personal time."

I backed off with my eyes on the door and my brows forming an uncomfortable bridge over my nose. Personal time, huh? Yeah, right...

"Whatever..." I sighed and sat down on the floor pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them. With my head rest on top of my knees, I waited for the door to open, humming a stupid melody in my head.

I waited

...

And waited

...

Still waited

...

_'Ok, that's ridiculous.'_ I thought after two good hours of waiting. My butt hurt and I swear my legs wouldn't support me if I dared to stand up. They were twitching after my two-hour waiting on the cold tile floor.

"Are...are you still out there?" came a muttering voice from the bathroom, and my head snapped.

"What do you think?" I called back and smirked. What a patient dog I was when it came to Mels. But that's friendship, right?

"Matt..." he called my name and I crawled closer to the wooden door.

"I'm here." I muttered and knocked playfully the wood with the knots of my fingers. He laughed and I was sure he was sitting the same way I did from the other side of that door.

"You know you're my buddy, right?" he asked and I looked surprised at the door. I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me.

_'Not functioning...'_

"Yeah.." I said, correcting my mistake. "So what? We've been friends for so long now...What's wrong, Mels?"

"It's just that..I want you to be my friend whatever happens." he said and my jaw dropped.

"Mello...We are friends no matter what, for fuck's sake! You know that and I know that and every-freaking-one knows! 'S that why you are so worry 'bout?" I asked and laughed lightly. Mello might me great brains but, Hell; he was such a foul sometimes. "You know what? For the genius you're said to be you're _nuts_, buddy." I teased and laughed again.

"Screw you!" The door opened and I landed face first on the bathroom's frozen tiles with a yelp. Mello yelled and threw himself on me and I laughed harder, 'cause he had landed right on my butt.

"Nah, I don't think so!" I said and toppled us so I was on top now. I pinned him on the floor and secretly loved how vulnerable he looked under me. "See now, I won." I said and smirked again. Oh, I could tell he was boiling with anger...And I loved that too.

"Only 'cause I let you." he mumbled and his eyes cast my face, stopping momentarily on my lips. He blushed and moved awkwardly under my body, his eyes now somewhere behind me. "Now, get off, will ya?" he commanded rather than asked.

"You didn't say the magic word!" I informed him and I saw -with a great amount of pleasure- a vein popping on his forehead.

"Oh, _mighty_ Matt, will you _pleas_e get the freaking' _Hell_ off of my poor _sore_ body?" he questioned again with smooth voice, but oh, how funny it was to hear that!

"Yes sir!" I laughed and helped him up with a steady hand. He took it and stood up, then gave me a small smile that made my heart jump in my chest. Mello made a smooth motion towards me and rested two hesitant arms on my shoulders. The simple touch made my shiver and I hoped he didn't see, 'cause that would only make matters worse.

"Matt..." he breathed and smiled. "You're my friend and I love you."

'_Heart, don't die on me now.' _Now, I really skipped many beats and my cheeks flushed a bright red color as every time I was feeling shy...or like heating up.

No, scratch that, I was_ burning_ from the inside.

"Y-yeah...I..I love you too, Mels." I forced my broken voice to respond and my heart took up a crazy rhythm I couldn't stand for long. The sudden rush of blood made it difficult to breath.

"I just wanted you to know." Mello simply stated, surely noting my flashed face and unsteady breathing, or rather gasping.

"I know." I whispered and tried to keep it as friendly as I could. I loved Mello with more than just one ways. But it was safer for him (and for me) to keep it low.

He gave me another small smile and his arms were pressed together again. "I'm going to eat something. Are you coming?" he asked and opened the door, looking back at me.

"Sure. Just give me some time, all right?" He nodded with an almost unseen quirk of his brows and exited the room, closing the door behind his back.

_'Now, now, Matt...You have to calm down, my boy.'_ a small voice whispered in my head, but I proudly ignored it and collapsed on the floor, tightly grasping the left side of my chest that seemed to ache dully. I inhaled through clenched teeth and lay down. _'Damn if this doesn't hurt' _I thought and gasped at the sudden rush of pain to my..."heart?" I muttered and felt my heart beating slowly.

"Yeah, right. Broken hearted. Nice job, Mello." I closed my eyes as I felt nausea running through me instead of blood.

I wish I had told him he wasn't just a friend to me. But he would probably go like 'we're-friends-I-don't-see-you-in-any-other-way'. I couldn't stand that. I'd never be able to bare the rejection, especially Mello's...

"Things have to get better, don't they? This or I'm a lost case from now on..." I would make it better. To keep me sane and one part.

_'Sanity is my middle name'. _That small voice laughed in my head before leaving me alone one more time_._

How difficult could this be, anyway?

_Next morning_

"This prick! This fucker! This-this..._Aghh!_" Mello stormed in our room scaring the shit out of me and I jumped, throwing my Game Boy on the floor.

"What the Hell, Mello?" I screamed and stared at him, open mouthed, as he threw himself on the bed, grabbing his books and opening one of them with a loathing that would only be compared to my hating going out without my goggles.

"Near!" he yelled as if the name explained everything.

"Ehm...excuse me?" I asked, finding his constant mumbling more than annoying.

"Near! The newcomer! That white-headed lill' prick! He got better scores than me!" Mello yelled again and I huffed. God, this was childish...

"So what?" I asked again, but immediately understand my fault when Mello's hands froze on his book and his voice lowered to a deathly frozen whisper.

"I'll never let this fucker be number one. _Nobody_ will be better than me." and he turned his eyes on me to underline his words. I shivered. If looks could kill I'd be dead before I had touched my pillow.

"Ok. Ok, got it. Calm down now, will you? We'll find something" I assured him, ready to turn the world upside-down to help my friend.

"Yeah, as if you even care about my scores." he bitterly said and then bite his tongue. His eyes softened as he saw my face getting paler than Near's white hair.

That hurt.

"All right...All right.." I muttered and got out of the bed with my gaze on the floor. It was too much.

"Matt...Matt, I'm sorry!" Mello whispered and I felt his chest connecting with my back as he hugged me. I stood still and let him wrap his arms around me.

"I thought you knew me better that this, Mello, but obviously I was wrong." I said bitterly and I felt him pressing more against me.

"You know I didn't mean it...I didn't mean it..." he muttered against my neck and I felt his breathe caressing my skin. I shivered. "I was just mad at this bastard. I didn't want to offend you, Matty...". Hey, no fair! He was using my nickname now! That always made me giving up and let my rage go away. Today was no exception.

"Ok..Just try to be calm, alright? I don't want to see you like this ever again." I said and turned around to face him. He was inches away and I could hold my arm to myself. I reached and touched his face with my fingertips before I knew what I was doing.

"Matt..." he breathed and I came to my senses again.

"Hey-hey, we're being a little too emotional, now, aren't we?" I laughed awkwardly and knelt to grab my Game Boy from the floor.

"Heh, yeah..." I heard him laugh too and he sat on his bed again to concentrate on his homework again, silent.

I sat on my bed too and start a new game, sighing.

'Yeah, right, just how difficult could this be?'

* * *

_**End of this chapter, my friends. Liked it? Let me know with a precious review!**_

_**(And, ONCE AGAIN, I don't own Death Note!)**_

_**Till my next chapter**_

_**xxx**_


	7. Chapter 7 : Wings of Despair

_**All right, here's a new chap, a little longer this time. I know it's totally off schedule, but I want to get this one done 'cause I might not publish a new chapter soon. **__**Might**__** being the key word, as always... Means you may see the next chapter within a day or two!**_

_**Anyway, here we go!**_

* * *

**Wings of despair**

_**Mello POV**_

_...A year later.._

I balled my fists in a vain attempt to bottle up my urge to crush the nearest scul in sight. I turned as slowly as I could and paced the same slow way down the hall of the Wammy's, still trying not to burst out and set all the people around me in alarm. It was some time now I was functioning with codes, and if the current one set the alarm on, it wouldn't stop.

Code green : _calm_

Code pink : _slightly irritated_

Code black : _gloomy_

Code red : _ready to blow up._

Guess my current code.

Easy, huh?

I opened the door to my room and Matt followed me inside with a patient look on his face. I admired him for being so calm around me, he was brave. Nobody could stand within reach when I was so angry, and to me it was a miracle that Matt had survived for so many years.

"Don't say a word." I warned him and sat on the floor crossed legs, with my back against the bed. I closed my eyes and the image of that note came to fill me with despair.

Near : 100%

Mello : 99%

I was being second. Again. And Near was being first.

It wasn't the first time. This had started since the first test we had, right after he joined my classes. His first test had a total of 99%, while I was at 98%. It had scared me out of my brains. It was the first time since I had enter Wammy's that I wasn't the fist, being followed by Matt.

It hit me hard. I was losing my place as the best student of the institution, plus the chance to become the next L, the greatest detective of the world! I was being humiliated before the eyes of the only person I valued as a friend, let alone anyone else (_everyone_ else) who had seen this announcement...

But no. Matt. It was about Matt. In the first place,_ he_ was the reason I had promised to myself to be the greatest, the strongest. To be able to protect _him._

'_Calm down. Now'_ I ordered myself 'cause I felt my mind slipping. I was losing it, or I was going to lose it if I kept thinking like this. I had to stop this and see what I could do about it.

_'Well, almost nothing'_ the moody part of me whispered. It had been a year. Far too long for me to keep going like this. I was acting like a crazy, in a hurry that scared even Matt. I was constantly practicing my skills on reading my brains out every night till the daybreak. I had a master in sitting for hours on my bed doing my homework. And I was a _teacher_ in no-eating. I didn't remember the last time I had eaten an actual lunch in the hall with the rest of the children...

_'Shit...'_ I grabbed my head and I felt my fingers digging in my skin till it bled. I was going nowhere.

"Mello, stop this!" I froze. That was Matt or I was deaf. It was the first time Matt had ordered me to do something. "Stop this or I'll make you stop it." he said again and I felt his hands grabbing my own, removing my palms from my head. He forcefully pinned them against my sides with one hand and with the other he forced my head up from my chin. Our eyes met and, for once, his goggles were tossed aside, leaving the wrath dancing in his eyes appears.

Wait, _wrath_?

"Stop this." he told me again and his eyes born holes in me. "You're destroying yourself, and I won't let this continue anymore." he whispered and he leaned closer to me with his eyes always locked with mine.

"You don't understand, do you?" I said, my voice trembling.

"No, I don't understand you anymore. It's been a year now, I everyday watch you pushing yourself to the limits. You don't eat, you don't sleep, your only concern is Near and your scores." His voice cracked from sadness, but his hands never leaved mine. "I know you want to be the best, Mello, but this just isn't always possible. Can't this simple thing pass through your thick head? Is it so difficult to understand? You're clever, but you can't stand someone else being the same clever as you...".

"Matt, you don't kno-" I tried to say but he cut me off.

"No, I know! It's another promise to you, right? Something like _'never-let-them-be-better-than-me'_ thing." I felt my eyes widen. He saw that and smirked a bitter smirk " I know you better than you think, Mello..." he whispered and let my hands free at last. They were sore and a thin bruise was slowly making it's was round both of my wrists, like a bracelet.

"You know me...But you still don't know the reason why I made that promise." I told him and stared at him with tension.

"Then tell me. I'm all ears." he said sarcastically and sat right in front of me.

"Matt I-" Should I tell him? Why I wanted to be strong, clever, why I wanted so badly to become the next L?

"I do al this..." I tried again but I stopped and took a deep breath. He stared at me with curiosity and a mixture of worry and something I couldn't tell.

"I do it for you..." I muttered and dropped my eyes to the floor at his expression. It took him aback. I had expected that, but not this glare of pure happiness. That took _me_ aback...

"What was that..?" he asked and grabbed my wrist again, leaning closer to me once more.

"You heard me. I do it for you. You had told me once you wanted to leave this place and go home. But out there, there is Kira!" I said to the ground, ignoring the pressure on my wrist and in my heart. "I want to be the next L, Matt, to make this world better. To kill Kira. To make it safe you can leave Wammy's. That _we_ can leave Wammy's...".

It sounded stupid even to my own ears, but it was the truth. I was fighting for him. Ok, maybe one part of me wanted to boast and show off, but it was the smallest part of me.

"You nuts..." Matt calmly said and my head snapped in anger. He was smiling, and that fact made me even more angrier. Hell, what was wrong with this guy?

"What did yo-"

"I said you nuts!" he screamed and laughed, then pulled me hard on his chest. His arms wrapped around me and held me protectively."You nuts.." he said again, and I could tell he was relieved, somehow.

"Why you keep telling me this?" I asked, but this arms had so calmed me down I couldn't resist but nuzzle against him.

"'Cause it's true." he simply said and I tried to look at him, but he held me on him. "Let me explain, Mel...You nuts 'cause if you're doing this for me, to protect me as you said, you're doing this the wrong way..."

_'Wrong way...'_

"If you want to do something for me, be _here_ for me. I don't need you to be perfect, 'cause you're my friend and I love you for what you are. No more, no less." His hands were caressing my back and my arms came to hug his waist loosely.

_'Love me for what I am...'_

"Do you want me to spell it out for you, Mello? You don't have to be perfect for me. Just be who you are...I love you anyways." he said and I could hear his smirk in his voice. He pulled away and he looked at me, his eyes filled with emotions and his hand touched the side of my face.

"Y-you mean you don't want me to be the best?" I asked despite the distraction his hand was offering.

"Of course I want you to be, if that makes you happy, silly!" he said with a wide smile. "But" he continued and got a serious expression "only if you don't push yourself so hard. I need you alive." he said and winked.

He was shiny. Shiny like the cross hanging from my neck. A piece of shiny silver restin' atop my palm, warm from my own heat. I wanted to close my palm and keep this little cross inside it forever, with its warmth the only savior from my icy despair. I had to be with Matt.

"Hey, what is it? Is there something on my face?" Matt mocked, maybe because my eyes had stopped to his lips again for so long. He waved a hand before my eyes. "Hey, Earth to Mello, over!" He sighed. "See? Your brains are burnt from over-reading..." he crossed his arms on his chest and shock his head lightly.

"Matt. I love you." I said simply and his eyes opened.

"I know. I love you too, Mel." All right, now whose brains were burnt? My time to say 'Earth to Matt, over!'...Seemed I had to spell it out for him...

"No! I mean I love you! I love you!" I screamed and grabbed his shirt, pulled him close to me and smashed our lips together. Ok, not what I had in mind for 'spelling out something'...But my body had taken control before my brains could register. My emotions led me, as always.

Time stopped. My heart stopped as his lips didn't move, from disgust or surprise, I couldn't tell. Disappointed, I started pulling away, ready to face his rejection and his anger, but a pair of hands framing my face stopped me some inches away from his lips. My eyes focused at his closed ones, and I heard his breath coming out in short gasps. His fingers were moving lightly against my cheeks, my skin was hot underneath his fingertips and Matt was smiling, eyes still closed.

"What the Hell took you so long?" he muttered breathlessly and his lips touched mine, slowly moving to kiss my upper lip first, and then my bottom one. I kissed back and our lips slipped together lazily in a slow dance, with our faint breathing keeping the rhythm, with our heartbeats being the drums.

"I wasn't sure..." I mumbled against his lips and his body slowly moved to straddle my legs, never breaking the lock of our kiss.

"Me neither..." he breathed and moved his lips to form an open mouthed kiss to my neck. My breath hitched and my hand grabbed the back of his neck to keep him there. I felt him dragging his tongue downwards and I shivered in delight as the wet path dipped in the crook of my neck.

"And now?" I asked. My legs parted of their own decision and in a matter of minutes were hooked around his waist and Matt was bowing over me. Our lips met and Matt moved between my thighs to run his long fingers through my hair.

"Now I know." His hands snaked under my shirt. God, how I wanted to feel those hand all over me...

"S-stop this..." I gasped and then moaned despite a hand travelling down my thigh, my own hand resting on his hips.

This was impossible. Matt was impossible! And I thought he didn't like me back...How silly. Those lips dancing on me told me else way, those hands hungrily touching me whispered he wanted me as bad as I did. Oh, yes, I wanted him. Rather that wanted him, I needed him. The waiting was killing me and I was growing impatient under his touch and lips, under his body slowly moving against mine. Matt was driving me insane.

"I won't stop. Not now, not never." he stated and forcefully kissed me. I smirked and moved with him, pulling his hips on my waist.

"Mello. I need to talk to you, would you please come out?" a gentle voice called my name outside the door, and I froze. Matt froze too and his lips pulled away from my jaw. He gave me a panicked glare, opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him with a finger on his lips.

"Shh, don't." I whispered and then turned to the door. "I'm coming Roger, just a sec!" I yelled and stood up dragging Matt with me. I pushed him on the bed and threw his Game Boy into his shaking hands. He glared me as if I was crazy and I rolled my eyes. "Play, damn it!" I whispered in frustration and went for the door. With another look at Matt who was desperately trying to open his Game Boy, I opened the door and wore my 'everything's-fine' look. I hoped Roger wouldn't want to check the room today. A fumbling-with-his-own-Game Boy Matt would draw more attention that me dressed in white hakamas.

"Ah, Mello, here you are. Please, come with me." Roger politely greeted me and glared inside the room.

_'Oh, shit!'_ A red-like-tomato-Matt mumbled a "hi" and his fingers flew over some stray buttons, forcing out of the game a ridicule sad sound. Roger quirked a brow, but didn't really care.

_'Phew...Thank God...'_

"Yeah, sure." I said and sighed. "I'll be back soon. Don't break anything." I warned Matt and winked at him before closing the door. I hoped he really didn't break anything while I wouldn't be there. He was so angst he made me smirk all the way to Roger's office.

My smirk stopped the moment I entered the room. A very familiar, very dressed in white, very Near-like figure welcomed me in the middle of the shady room.

_'Oh, great...'_

...

"What was that? Roger, what did you just say?"

No way. I couldn't believe what this old man told me no matter what. He was insane, he must be!

"I'm afraid L is dead..." Roger whispered and bowed his head.

"He's dead? But-but how?" I yelled and my voice was panicked like I was. L? Dead? The greatest detective of the whole world? Dead?

"Hmm.." Roger hummed and I shoved myself on his desk looking desperately in his eyes

"Was it Kira? Did Kira kill him?" I asked and I saw he was hesitating. "C'mon Roger, you've got to tell me!"

"Probably." Probably? _Probably?_

I grabbed him by his shirt and yelled into his face."But he promised me he'd find Kira and execute him, and now you're telling me...that he's been killed?". My tone sound even more angry than before, and I tried to hold back some tears. No, I wouldn't cry in front of Near.

"Ugh, Mello!" Roger gasped despite my force.

A small noise came from behind me. I turned to see Near holding over his head the framing of his collapsed puzzle that laid on the floor in pieces again. He stared placing them together again, never looking at us.

"If you can't win the game...If you can't solve the puzzle...Then you're just a loser." he stated, but I chose to ignore this quote, or he would be soon like his puzzle: in pieces.

"So, which of us did L pick, me or Near?" I asked Roger and he seemed even more sad by his question.

"He hadn't chosen yet. And now that he's gone I'm afraid he won't be able to..." I backed slightly from his office in surprise. He hadn't chose yet? Was it on purpose? Had he forgot? And now what?

"Mello...listen. You too Near. Can't the two of you work together?" No. Not this. I felt disgust rising in me and I bit my lip looking with the corner of my eye at Near. Me? Working with him?

"All right, sounds good." Near decided. But I had made a decision myself.

"It will never work Roger. You know I don't get along with Near. We've always competed against each other. Always." Sad but true. They had to accept it, both of them. I wasn't working with Near.

November...It was November. Exactly one year had passed since the day Near passed the door of Wamm'y. From the very first moment I saw him he creeped me more than anything. But, even though I was far from liking the boy, I had to tell he was good. In a twisted, sick way, the one that confronted problems, people, conditions, with the icy glare of logic. Always the same, no matter the situation, Near would think it over and then solve it. No emotions.

I was the danger of everything blowing up. I was able to use my brains, and use them good, but my emotions always took the best of me. I could act...out of the blue. And no one would know what was in my mind. No one would ever understand the way I used to use my heart, my feeling instead of my mind.

I knew. Although Near was nothing better than me, he was always one step ahead, always had this one per cent more than I couldn't get. I hated to admit, but under those circumstances, Near was more useful. We didn't have the luxury to lose because of a lost one per cent. This one per cent could make the difference, and only Near could get it, with his undoubted logic and emotionless heart. If he had one, anyways...

The decision was mine to make. And I made it.

"You know what? It's fine. Near should be the one to succeed L. He never gets emotional like me, he just uses his head like it's a game or a puzzle.". Oh, I could tell Roger was surprised, yes. More than that, he never expected me to willingly give my place to that boy I loathed so much. But...Hell, he wouldn't have it. I was leaving. I would never get along with Near and he knew. And I could never be where Near was, knowing he had won and I had to I had to make my own way through life.

"And as for me, I'm leaving this institution." I said and turned to walk out of the office.

"Wait, Mello!" I heard Roger calling me from behind my back, but I didn't turn.

"Don't waste your breath. I'm almost fifteen years old. It's time I start living my own life". And the door was closed.

I was leaving this place right away. I stated pacing down the Hall but regret it and paced the other way to my room. I would pack my things, they weren't so many, and leave this very hour. Roger wouldn't stop me, he didn't have such authority, never had this power over me. Only Wammy could stop me, and I'd be far from here by the time he was informed about my absence.

"Oh yeah...Bye-bye Wammy House..." I muttered and my mind was making plans. I would go to...Hmm...Spain. Or, even better, Germany. I had some roots there, I'd-

'_Nah, silly plan'_. If I wanted to have access to every source of information I'd go to Japan. Germany would have to wait for some years. _'Yup. Japan sounds good to me. I'll go there.'_ I thought and smirked. If I could spend some years there, I would collect every little detail for the Kira case and start my own investigation. I had all the time of the world. After all, nothing was holding me bac-

"Matt!" I gasped and my legs froze. _'Matt...I forgot about him!'_. And I wanted to be called his friend? I had just forgotten my best friend, the person I loved the most. The one I was kissing some mere thirty minutes ago!

"Oh, Matt...What will I do?" I whispered and a sudden wave of nausea shock me. I had to grab the wall to stay up and my other hand came to cover my mouth. I couldn't go without Matt! No way! How would I survive without him?

_'And how will he survive with me?'_ He wouldn't. I was leaving without a clear destination, no plans, no money, and no future at all. What would I do for my living? I didn't know. Where would I stay? Not a clue.

_'I can't just drag him along; I don't even know if I'll make it to Japan in one piece! What if something happens to him? Or worse, what if something happens to me while Matt is with me? He'll have nowhere to go, supposing I have a place, he'll be all aloe in a country he doesn't know...No, it can't be...'_

There was a song I used to know when I was younger...It said 'Fly on the wings of despair'. Means 'desperate times call for desperate actions'. Suit me right then, 'cause I felt despair's arms being tight around my wrists. If I wanted to escape, I'd had to break my own hands...

"I have to leave him here..." I muttered as if hearing it would make it easier. My heart ached at the thought, but it had to be done. And one day I would came back for him, take him with me.

_'But for this to be done, I have to leave first...'._ I uncovered my mouth and stepped slowly towards my room. I had to buy time. I had to make Matt to leave the room. I wanted to cherish every last moment spent with him, but didn't have enough time. It would be the last time I'd see him for God knows how long.

And I realized I was crying...

I opened the door with a trembling hand and I felt somebody hugging me tightly. "I missed you!" Matt whispered and his breath tickled my neck. I hugged him back and hid my face in his neck letting free the sobs I was holding. "Mello? Mello what's wrong?" he asked and pulled away only to pull me closer to him one more time. "Please, tell me...What happened, Mels?"

"L-L is dead!" I screamed and the tears were rolling down my face. Matt froze.

"It can't be...It can't be..." he mumbled and sat down on my bed, pulling me next to him. " Roger told you that?" I nodded."Shit." he swore and then looked at me. "And now? Now what? Who's going to be the next L?"

"Near" I sniffed and he scowled.

"Near? Yuck...Why not you?". The disgust was written all over his face, something that any other time would have made me smile. But back there it made me even sadder...

"L has a reason for doing things. I'm sure he had one this time too." I lied and I hated it, but it was necessary. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and forced a smile."You know, life goes on. We'll be just fine without Near in Wammy's, don't you think?"

"Tell me about it...At least you won't have to read so much now!" Matt cheered and I hated myself for what I was going to do to him. I wouldn't touch any school book for a long time...

"I'm hungry..." I sniffed again and pouted. "Will you go find some chocolate for me, please?" I kindly asked and I saw his surprise.

"Since when do you eat chocolate?" he asked but stood up nonetheless to go find some.

"Well, I want to try something new..." I said and shrugged. Mat thankfully bough it, rolled his eyes and got to leave, when I grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

"What is it now?" he joked.

"I love you." I simply said and kissed him with as much passion I got to find inside me. I poured into that one kiss everything I had. All my love towards him, my appreciation, my affection...my sadness for what I was doing...

I snaked my hands around his waist and locked our bodies together in a heated kiss, with my tongue licking his lips and then diving into the hot cavern of his mouth. He didn't fight, only moaned into the kiss and parted his lips more to give me room. Our tongues collided and I felt his hands under my black T-shirt, caressing my skin. I shivered. _'I'll miss you...Matty...'_

"Maybe you're not hungry anymore?" he asked against my lips and looked lovingly into my eyes.

"I am...Now, go...I'll be here." and with those last words I playfully pushed him away from me and out of the room. I heard his laugh as he run down the stairs to the kitchen, willing to find the chocolate I had asked for.

"I love you...I love you so much..." I sobbed now he was gone and my blurry vision cast the room we had been sharing for so long now. So many years...

Memories...Memories burst out from every corner to tie me down, keep me there. Memories from our first days together, our talks...all the years we knew each other materialized and hugged my soul..._'Stay here...'_ they said. But I packed them with the rest of my things in a small black suitcase. I put them deep down, so as not to see them, not to hear them calling my name.

The door opened under my touch, the stairs flew beneath my legs, the gate broke with a simple push, and I was running. I was running away from the only home I ever knew, away from the only person I had ever called 'friend'. The only one he had ever loved me back, apart from my mother.

...

"Matt...Matt..." his name kept coming to my lips like a mantra. I run fast, I run till I couldn't run anymore and my knees had folded, throwing me onto the dirty ground somewhere outside the town Wammy's was built in. My breath had stopped, my head was spinning, my heart was throbbing with pain, even more pain. And my hand came to clasp the only thing left from the life I had left behind. My rosary, Matt's rosary, was still around my neck, a mockery of what I had and what I had left behind.

"I'll come back one day..." I promised and glared towards the general position of the Wammy House. "Just wait for me, Matty...And please be alive when I come back..." I pleaded and bowed my head to kiss the silver cross.

And the sun was going down, shedding his red light on the fragile silver cross in my palm...

* * *

_**Small note**__** : Wings of Despair is an actual song, from "Kamelot". I DON'T OWN IT! Neither Death Note**_

_**All right, this turned out to be a little longer than my usual chapters...I just had to make clear their relationship and the effect this leaving had on Mello.**_

_**Oh, I hate writing something sad and not giving a happy ending in every chapter. I'm the 'happy-ending' type of writer, so having a chapter ending in so sad a way...well, let's say it doesn't make me happy. .**_

_**That's why it'll take long for this story to end. I want to give a happy ending, but this is just the middle of the story...**_

_**So, my friends...See you in my next chapter! Oh! And don't forget to leave your review for me ^^**_

_**xxx**_


	8. Chapter 8 : The begining

_**Ok, this is strange... I had to rely on the anime and manga calendar to make sure this chapter is based on the right dates! Uh...yeah, right, here I'll use the anime dates. But, the chap is only **__**based**__** in the anime, all right? I plan to do something different, but I just need the right dates to make an overall plan...Also th-**_

_**...Uh, forgive me my mumbling and please read the chap!**_

* * *

**The beginning**

_**Matt POV**_

_November 5, 2007_

Oh, sometimes life chose to be good with me...This time I was more that lucky, much more than happy! I had Mello! I had Mello, he loved me and I loved him and-

_'Ahh, I'm in love!'_ my thoughts screamed as I was hoping over the steps of the short stairs to my room. To _our_ room. The chocolate bar in my hand was shining a bright red color due to the sun that was reflecting on the shiny wrapper. I stood one moment by a short window to smile at the setting sun. A feeling of euphoria was running through my veins and I was feeling like I could bring the world down with one word. I laughed despite my thoughts and continued my hoping till my steps brought me to my door.

I momentarily closed my eyes to imagine Mello inside the small, bright room. He'd be sitting like when he had nothing to do, in the middle of my bed with his black dressed legs crossed. The sun would be lending his hair a strange orange color, just like when I looked at him through the tinted orange lenses of my goggles. I smiled again and got to open the door-

When I noticed it was already open. I frowned. '_I'm sure I had closed it...'_. I ignored a slight feeling of danger in the back of my head and pushed the door completely open. I stepped inside and it took me more than usual to see that Mello wasn't in.

"Mels?" I called, light fear pinching my heart as I opened the bathroom door to find it empty. "Mello? Where are you?" I called again a little louder and knelt on the floor to search for Mels under the bed. He used to hid himself in dark places and push me to go find him, it was our game. But I could easily find him, his bright blond hair wasn't something to be blended anywhere.

"Mello, stop this game, it's no fun!" I shouted and my voice echoed all around the empty room. "Mello!"

I stood up shaking and exited the room in a hurry._ 'Where are you Mello?'_. My thoughts raced with me as we headed to Roger's office. If he wasn't there I wouldn't find him. _'Calm down, damn it! Roger might want to tell him something. Yes, twice in the same day...Logical'_. Oh, no, I couldn't afford to panic now. I had to find Mello!

"Roger! Where is Mello?" I yelled entering the room, scaring Roger out of his guts. Right, no panic…

"You mean he's not in your room?" Roger asked in total surprise and I felt a heavy iron hand groping my heart.

"No, he's not. He sent me to take some chocolate and when I came back he wasn't there!" I screamed and felt some tears warning my eyes that they wanted out.

"Oh, no..." Roger sighed and hid his face in his palm.

"What do you mean _'oh,no'_?" I yelled, completely out of control. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding in my chest. "What the Hell is going on here? Where is Mello?' I asked again and I desperately tried to keep my voice down.

"I'm afraid...Mello isn't here anymore..." Roger muttered and looked at me with the sadness being written all over his wrinkled face.

"What do you mean? What do you mean he's not here?" I shouted and grabbed his desk to support myself. My knees suddenly felt week like jell.

"I'm afraid he left, as he warned me..." Roger whispered and closed his eyes.

_'No..No...No...Mello, no, please tell me it's not true...Please..'_ I begged in my head and my tears finally had find their way out.

"He-he had warned you? He told you he'd leave?"I gasped. _'Without me?'_ I wanted to add, but I couldn't find my words anymore.

"He had...He decided to leave Wammy House after he gave his place as L to Near.." Roger informed me and stood up, coming closer to me.

"..To Near.." I mumbled. So...he head willingly given up the chances to become the next L. And he warned Roger he was leaving Wammy's. Roger, of all people!

"Mello is a strong kid...I didn't want to let him go, but I couldn't push him to stay either." Roger excused himself, but I wasn't listening.

_'He came out there...alone...and left me behind...'_ My world was crushing down, everything I knew turned out to be fake. _'He left me alone!'_ Why, Mello?

"-nd...Matt?" I felt Roger's hand on my shoulder but didn't move. "Matt, are you ok?" the man asked again, but I didn't bother to answer. It didn't matter to me. "Matt, are you here?".

Here. _'Here'_ where? Where is that so called _'here'_? _'Here'_, in the office, Roger was shouting at my collapsed body, curled up on the floor, shivering. _'Here'_ in my heart it was raining. A heavy, toxic downpour that left my whole body dry and cracked like the dessert's dirt. Each droplet was leaving behind a bitter taste, a lingering feeling like I had bite lotus. The fruit of oblivion...

There was a myth I knew about this fruit...When Odysseus arrived in the land of lotus-eaters, his friend wandered away from the rest of the crew to see what kind of people leaved in that land. But the hours passed and they hadn't come back, so Odysseus went to find them. When he did, he saw them sitting underneath an exotic tree, eating this fruit, lotus. They had forgotten everything about their homes, their siblings, their countries...

Mello had once told me the taste of this fruit was told to be sweet. "But it's bitter, believe me! Don't try it, ok?" he had told me, and had smiled brightly.

_'It hurts..'_ I thought as my mind showed me his image. Every detail was register in my memory, painfully clear.

Even more clear was that taste in my mouth. It said 'betrayal'. Mello must have eaten lotus before that last kiss of ours.

The kiss...That hurt most, leaving small bites all over my body, inside and outside. Tweaking in my head, tweaking on my legs, on the back of my hands...I was a tweak myself. _'Do tweaks hurt?'_ I wondered and tired to open my eyes, but they eyelids were glued together. _'Oh, great...'_

"Matt? Matt, can you hear me? If you hear me, press my hand." a voice told me somewhere inside my head. It was echoing all over like in a cave and I couldn't tell where it was coming from. That annoyed me.

"C'm on Matt, you've got to wake up.". That voice again...Couldn't they just let me rest? It was warm there, whenever that _'there'_ was, and it was comfy. No hurt in my already sore heart, nothing but this tweaking sensation on the back of my hand that had turned a little too uncomfortable now.

"Hey, Matt...Uhm, you ok buddy?" Another voice...Just how many of them were around me?

"So why isn't he waking up?"The same voice asked this time. I knew that voice, right? _'Cor?'_

"It'll take some minutes for him to wake up fully, we was unconscious don't you forget...". Wait a minute...I knew this voice too! _'Roger!'_ My eyelids flattered a little and my hand jerked. Somebody or something was holding it back.

"Ah, here he comes! Matt, can you hear me now?" Roger asked a little too loud and I felt a hand on my forehead. _'Damn well, stop shouting in my ears!'_ I wanted to yell, but couldn't find my mouth in the mass of bones and muscles that was my body.

"It's ok if you can't speak. Just try to open your eyes, ok?" _'Yeah, thanks for telling me..'_

Oh, crap, the light was too much for my eyes! Where the Hell were my goggles? Not only this, but everything was blurry as if I had been crying and hadn't wiped the tears from my eyes!

"That's right.." Cor encouraged me. I mentally rolled my eyes and tried to lift my arm to cover my eyes. It felt limb and weak. Well, more than usual, that is. I never was the one to be practicing...

"Crap" I croaked, happy to find I still could speak.

"Oh yeah, he's fine..." Cor giggled and sat up on...my bed? _'So...it seems they brought me here again...But wait what happened back there?"_

"Did I pass out?" I asked and supported my body. I felt dizzy and that pissed me more.

"Well...sort of..." Roger muttered and pressed me back on the bed. "You should rest, Matt. Cor wanted to stay here, if it's no problem to you of course..."

"Never mind..." I mumbled and closed my eyes again. The word was spinning mercilessly before my eyes, giving me a sickening sensation. The sound of the closing door only made my head heavier, and for a moment I thought Cor had gone too and I could rest. But, no, I wouldn't have it...

"You know, Matt, it's better this way." Cor said blankly and my eyes snapped open. He was staring at the floor with a pout on his lips.

"What'd you mean?" Oh, I know what he meant. I just wanted to test how bastard-y he could get on me.

"That Mello left. I never liked him, anyway." he stated and crossed his arms on his chest.

"I don't remember asking you." I whispered. My voice was so...cold. Even to my ears it seemed to be so...Mello..."_I_ did."

Cor looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. "Woa, man, chill out!" he laughed awkwardly. Could he tell why I was so pissed? I don't think so.

"I mean" he tried again "it's going to be better for you now he's gone! You were so stuck on him, like a lapdog or something!" and he laughed again.

Lapdog...That made it. I needed no other excuse to throw him out of the bedroom. What did he know anyway? What friendship was to him? Nothing. What love was to him? _Nothing_. I doubted if he even knew the words.

_'Then again, neither Mello do...'_ I thought and something stabbed me in the open wound on my chest. _'Not now, I shouldn't think of it now...'_

"Matt? Are you feeling ok?" Cor asked and leaned closer to me to look at my face. His hand touched mine and I felt disguise building up in me. I wanted to throw up...

"Get out." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"What?" He seemed startled.

"I said get out! Get the hell out of here!" I yelled and my voice was hard and hoarse. It made Cor throw himself on the floor and crawl towards the door. His eyes fell accusingly on me, even hurt. But I knew it wouldn't last for long. Cor was never the sentimental guy, if I knew him.

"Get lost.." I whispered again and I heard the door open and then close loudly.

And I was alone. For the first time in so many years I was alone for real.

...

It was like my first time in Wammy's, some years ago. I was alone again, in the room I was so used to be with Mello, with my Game Boy opened all day, with my goggles covering my eyes again. I was sleeping in my bed, staring at the bed in the opposite side of the room like when I prayed for someone to come in and say : "I'm the one who'll be sharing the room with you now, is that ok?". But that was many years ago...

I was used to eating alone when I was younger, but when I tried to sit among the other kids in the Hall and have a meal I felt too uneasy. They were staring at me without hiding their curiosity, that flame burning in their eyes, the desire to know what had happened, where was Mello, why was he gone... That flame was burning me all day, every day...And every night.

Oh, the night...I whisked night never came. I was entering the room and imagining Mello sitting in his crossed-leg position on my bed, waiting for me to come in and chit-chat for awhile, before he started doing his homework. I would always sit on the other empty bed and watch him study, always playing some game. And, after some silent, peaceful hours, he would yawn and stretch his long legs, close his book and turn his shiny eyes to me with a smile. He would say something like_ "Sheesh, I 'm hungry..."_ or _"Hell, what a day!"_ or his more usual _"Matt...let's go to sleep already."_. Because he knew I would wait for him to close his books and turn off the lights to sleep.

I would always wait for him, anyway...To wake up, to get out of the bathroom for me to enter, to go to the classroom, to eat, to sleep... Mello was the leader, me the follower. But it had always been like that and, despite what all seemed to think, Mello and I knew that I wasn't some lapdog, and he was not my master. We were just best friends.

He would wait for me too, but it wasn't that obvious. He would give me room to have my life, he would let me adjust to his behavior. Mello would never press me on a matter. It was his unique way to give me time, to wait for me... That had made us equals...

But now he was gone.

...

And so days passed, very slowly for my liking, but they passed...

I tried to forget, I really did. I made it so nobody knew I was caring so much, that I was so concerned about Mello out there. After a month or two I plastered a huge grin in my lips and I forced it to stay there. I wanted nobody to know how it hurt to be away from Mello...I had to pretend, and so I did... But I just couldn't forget.

And my calendar that had turned to zero the day Mello left was now counting from the beginning, like it was the end of a life and the beginning of another one. But instead of filling every day with something new, like a newborn would do, I was living reversed : Each day seemed to subtract something, leaving me a little more empty...

Everything ended the day L died: November 5, 2007. That's when my new life begun...

...

_November 5, 2009_

I closed the door as forcefully as I could and locked it behind my back. "Get the Hell away, damn it!" I yelled and kicked the wood. A frightened shriek was heard from the other side and I couldn't hold back a hiss of annoyance, despite my anger.

"Matt, please, reconcid-"

"No. Fucking. Way!" I screamed my voice building higher in every word.

"But it's a good oportunit-"

"Shut up, damn it!" I yelled and another kick found the door. The poor, old wood shrieked and for a moment I thought it'd decompose in frond of my eyes.

A drown silence was building my tension, and I heard a sigh. I closed my eyes and slipped against the floor till I was sitting on the cool floor. Now what..?

"I know you're hurt, Matt. I really do, but you have to do this if you want to help Near." the voice whispered.

"You don't know shit, Roger...Just go away already and le me the fuck alone." I mumbled and cradled my face in my palms. I really should have to watch my tongue when speaking to elders, but this...this was too much even for me.

_**-flashback-**_

"You got to be kidding me, right?" I muttered and my eyes flattered from Roger who was sitting behind his old wooden desk and the small bowed, white-dressed figure on he floor, some meters away from me. "C'mon, tell me you're joking'!" I said again and I heard something high pinched in my voice. Panic, maybe?

"No, Matt..This time it's very serious, actually.". His words pinned me in the carpet-dressed floor and I couldn't move my legs.

Serious?

"You know that from the day L died, two years now, we are trying to keep up with the Kira case. But L was unique. We don't know what he was thinking while being the head of the investigation, so we don't know how to act. Near..." he glared t the figure on the floor "Near might be great, the best we have, but he alone can't act as L.".

There was a dramatic pose here, maybe to make me take a breath and understand the sever problem we were facing this time.

"If we want to win this case and capture Kira, we have to combine all we possess. This was my plan from the start, before Mello left. I wanted him and Near working together, you see." Something twitched in my chest when Roger referred Mello's name, but I chose to ignore it.

"Yes, I see..." I mumbled.

"So...this is still my plan. As long as you are the closest person to be compared to Mello in Wammy's, you're number two now. So.." Another pose. This time I had to breathe 'cause my lungs were dried and empty.

"So?" I repeated, though I knew what was coming. Roger was right, I was clever enough to be number two here, but even someone much less clever than me would have guessed.

"So...Matt, can you and Near work together to solve the Kira case?" asked Roger, agonizing slowly, as if to make sure I would understand the meaning of this. The importance...

I knew it was the right thing to say _'yes'_ and shake hands with Near, my soon-to-be-partnered, as Roger wanted. But I knew, on the other hand, that I would never follow Near. It wasn't that being-second thing of which Mello left, 'cause I was sure I could be second to anyone. Being second isn't bad...

The thing was I would follow only one person, and that one person was gone.

"No" I simply said and quickly run off the office, with Roger following as quickly his old legs could take him.

What followed after that was more a continuous rambling than a talk. Too much swearing for Roger's liking, you see...

_**-End of flashback-**_

"...Is this your last word, Matt?" Roger asked, pressed by this uncomfortable silence.

"Yes. Go now." I ...ordered? Wow, I was being human again, huh? Too much human...

_'So...now what, oh great Matt? What are you going to do? You surely can't just stay here and be ordered to follow Near. Hmmm...'_ I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wooden door. '_Roger won't stop trying. He must be thinking I'm too hurt now to understand and that I will change my mind after a day or two...'_ I smirked despite my thoughts. Of course I wasn't going to change my mind. In spite of Roger's thoughts, I was very sure why I didn't want to follow Near, or even work with him...

"So...So...I just leave?". This wasn't made to come out like a question, really. I wanted to hear myself being steady and sure for once, but...I wasn't that type of guy. And I didn't have where to go! What would I do?

_'Agh, so many questions, damn it!'_. I got up and grabbed my Game Boy, but I didn't want to play right now. _'Mother...what should I do now?'_ I thought and hoped my mother could answer. She would have the best solution for me...

"But I can't rely on you now, can I?" I muttered and sat on Mello's bed, caressing the sheets with my hand.

_'Mello had a good reason for leaving, though I can't give him credits yet... But he knew what he was doing, even when he was lying to me...'._ Hell, it hurt to think this way and forget the whole thing from the pained point of view of someone who had been left behind. _My_ point of view...

"Mello...". Now it was time to think of him, right? Now nobody could see me, I could let myself loose and shed some held back tears without being jaded...

_'Damn it, Mello...'_. My muffled sobs echoed in the room as I tried to hold them back again. I fell flat on his bed, seeking for some comfort from the sheets he used to cocoon himself with. But the memories of him only pained me more...

_'C'mon Matt! Get yourself together! You must leave now you can! Get up!'_ I mentally ordered myself and finally got up with a pair of shaking legs to rely on. I grabbed a small back underneath my bed and shoved a pair of jeans and a T-shirt inside, some spare batteries and...My last look of the room. I locked the image of it in my mind and gently pulled up the zipper of my bag. I slipped my Game Boy in my right pocket and adjusted my goggles on my eyes.

"Good-bye..." I whispered and turned my back to my room with a determined look. I opened the door and quickly passed the Hall, the main door that led to the garden. The tall black gate wasn't much for me, and I was soon outside my home. Yes, my home...Wammy's had been my home for so long I didn't even remember calling 'home' any other place apart from that building I was ready to leave forever...

"But all good things come to an end..." I mumbled and closed the gate with a gentle push.

The sun was high on the sky, a bright orange tinted circle behind my lenses. I felt his caress on my skin and smiled. And then an idea stuck my mind.

'_And what if I find Mello...? We would start the Kira investigation all over again, we would be together again...Together!'_. The image of Mello and I being together after so much time made my heart beat faster that usual, and a twist of my lips made me realize I was grinning again like a cat. But something cut my illusion midway.

_'No. He was lying when he told me he wanted to be with me anyway... He wouldn't have left if he really cared about me, right? Or, at least, he would have asked me to go with him! I would have ad he knew, so...the only logical thing was that he didn't want to be with me...'_

Something wet-a tear- rolled down my cheek and I reached the back of my hand to wipe it away. Soon another one followed, and I found myself crying again. Only one thought was spread all over my mind, the one I had so hard tried to keep in the back of my mind : he didn't want me, he was just playing with me back there...

"But what's done is done. I can't change the past, just fight for the future." And fighting was what I was going to do.

_'Let's see...If I want to start my own investigation on the Kira case, I must bee somewhere close to all kind of information... Though Winchester isn't a nice place to start, I can't leave yet though. I have no money...Hmmm...'_

I had to work. But where? I was only seventeen years old, I needed somewhere to stay, something to eat and money to buy both the accommodation and food.

On the other hand, I was a genius. I grinned at that thought. I could do whatever I wanted with the mind I possessed. _Anything._

...

_A month later_.

_'All right, when I was thinking of a job, I certainly didn't have that in mind...'_

"Spacing out again, are we?" I heard a happy voice and rolled my eyes, then turned to face a girl round my age.

"What's wrong with spacing out anyway?" I asked back and the raven heard girl snorted.

"Holds ya back from working, brat." she said with another smile and this time I couldn't hold back mine.

"Yeah, right..." I muttered and bowed my head to smile at a little kitten. It could barely fit in my palm and it's eyes were slited.

"You like this one, huh?"

"It reminds me myself..." I muttered again and dragged my finger along the small back of the kitten.

"Josh...You never told me why you're here in the first place."

Yeah right, another alias. It was obligatory to have one now. Winchester wasn't that far for Roget to find out that a red hair boy was working to a pet shop, really. Though he would have to travel for six days non stop to get here, and one more to discover the small pet shop I was working at.

No, not far away enough...

"I need the money, Chris, I've told you." I sighed. She had asked me so many times the first week I entered the pet shop. Truth be told, even the owner was afraid to let me work there because I was so young. Chris didn't count; she was the owner's doughter.

"I mean the real reason why you're here. I'm not dump, Josh; I know you could have chosen another job. You're the cleverest boy I've ever met." she concluded.

"Whatever..." I hissed. "Let's just say I really need the money." I said and ended the talk there.

Yes, I didn't have that in mind when I was thinking of a job. But it was the only thing I could do, the only thing available, let alone legal, for my age. The money wasn't that good, but with another two months I would have the money needed for a ticket to Japan. That's all I needed.

Ah, Japan...I was sure I would find something there, a good point to start my investigation with. I just had to be patient.

"What are you thinkin' again, brat?" Chris hissed and I clenched my fists in order not to punch her.

Patience? Patience? Good God, I'd be lucky if I left that place without killing her!

* * *

_**Oh, do you think the ending's good? I hope it's not soooo crappy...**_

_**Yes, another chap is over and ...well, I think I should have made it a little bigger, but...**_

_**Drop it. I have the plot in my mind, but I need time to make it real. I don't have time, the thing is. So, please, I'll ask you one more time to forgive me if you don't see any chapter for a long time (or, on the other hand, you see one very-very soon!).**_

_**Disclaimer : I don't own Death Note, Manga or Anime.**_

_**Till my next chapter**_

_**xxx**_


	9. Chapter 9 : Leather and a Gun

_**Note: Ok, this new chapter has moved my whole story to the M ratings, so I just have to accept it and go on. It's no secret, actually, that the story was to be moved here, it was coming slowly...But I have to inform you that I don't know how to write M's, I'm completely inexperienced and I don't know how to write smuts. (Oh, I'll learn, but I still don't need this here...Yet)**_

_**So, please read...and tell me what you think. Officially it's my first M...**_

**Leather and a Gun**

**Mello POV**

"Wake up, whore."

I opened my eyes to the sadden sound of that hard voice and something moved in me. I blinked once and I tried to focus my vision to the person that was calling me. Oh yes, he was calling me...

"What is it now?" I asked and then hissed at the foot that was hardly shoved between my ribs. Yeah, I forgot I had to be so kind to the man that had used my body like a trash can some minutes ago...

"Shut the Hell, bitch! Now, stand up before I blow your brains out!" the man yelled and I stood up shakily for the sake of my life. My lower back hurt like Hell, my frond was full of scratches and when I tried to carefully stretch my gels, a piercing pain told me that my knee was almost broken. _'Crap'_ I thought and grimaced as I stood on my legs despite the pain. I knew from previous times that if I said anything I would be graded with more punches.

"Now, kneel down." the man ordered with a lusty voice and I felt my blood freezing within me. Again? _Again?_

"Yes sir..." I whispered and the man smirked despite the fear in my voice.

I knelt down in frond of him and another pain reminded me of what that man was doing earlier inside of me. I felt some droplets of blood running down my things and I shut my eyes close. I didn't want to see that. I had done it so many times I knew the movements by heart by now.

"Uh..." the man moaned and I closed my eyes more tightly and I hoped I could use my hands to cover my ears and move my body and go away and-

Something bitter filled my mouth and stopped me from breathing. I coughed and the insides of my mouth spilled in the old carpet underneath my knees. A kick cut my coughing and threw me on the floor, trembling and shaking from disguise and fear of what was to come.

"You're a little, dirty bitch, huh? Let's see now, what else can you be useful for?" The cruel words sunk in my head each one like a knife. I felt a hand grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling. That man was pulling me now up from my head! How I wanted to scream...

"...Tsk...Completely spent..." he laughed and let me fall down on my knees again. My body couldn't support me anymore and I fell down. My eye level was same to his feet now, and I heard him mumbling something like "useless now" and then his laugh again. He knelt in front of me then and bowed his head to face me. "I'll come back in two days again..." he said with a smirk and pated my head. To me this was more like a threat than a promise. It made me shiver...

The door opened and closed, and I was left alone in the darkness. The small room was filled with that man's scent, the one of sex and sweat I was used to hate by now. It only meant more pain for me.

"...Matt..." I sniffed and curled my body so that my legs where on my chest and I hugged them with my shaky arms. My own scent disguised me: I smelled like a whore.

_'...Matt...Why did I left you...?'_ Why did I have to pass two months of my life suffering to find out that all I needed was to be with Matt, wherever we could be together? Why did I have to give this man all I had, all I wanted Matt to have first?

On the first place, why had I joined the Mafia that night? It was the biggest mistake of my life, after leaving Matt...

_**-Flashback-**_

_Two months ago_

My steps had brought me to a small, underground building. A woman, obviously one working as a whore for them, had told me how to get there after laughing at me and my young age. But there I was, wasn't I?

I stepped in with a guard by my side and a weird, old smell welcomed me. The smell od death, sweat, sex and sins. My hand flied automatically to my rosary and held it tightly. The guard next to me saw my move and his lips curled in a lopsided grin. A low hum was heard from his chest, full of tattoos and piercings. "So" he said "what would a kid like you want here?" he mocked and I clenched my fist around my cross.

"Work" I said and the man grinned, scanning my body from head to toe.

"Hell yeah..." he muttered but I didn't mind it then. Big mistake, as it proved...

The tattooed man opened a low wooden door, old and smelly as everything was there, and we stepped inside, he with his head bowed and me with my eyes scanning the place.

"What this kid wants here?" a hard voice asked and my eyes turned to that direction. I gasped as I was suddenly staring at the most intimidating man I'd ever met. Tall, muscular, with long dark brown hair and a pair of piercing grey eyes, his arms crossed on his broad chest...

"I need the job." I said, and I was secretly happy my voice didn't sound shaky from my fear.

The man (well he was the leader of the Mafia...) dragged his gaze up and down my body and face. He was examining me, I didn't know what for. He seemed to enjoy my sight. And then he stopped at my eyes. Now the test, the difficult part... If I lose there, I would be kicked out. I froze my eyes and made them seem empty of all emotion as I glared back at him with all the force I had. I saw a light of annoyance and another one of surprise pass quickly from his face, then acceptance.

"Hah. The boy has guts." he finally said and everybody relaxed in the small room. Now that I had some time, I pointed three other men there, all holding guns by the side of the Mafia Boss.

"So, what do I do now?" I asked, hoping to be given something. I had no time to lose, and I had already lost four days to get to Japan after stealing some money the day I run away from Wammy's. Guilt? No, no such word in my dictionary...

"Now...now, boy, you'll work _for_ us." the Boss smirked and the men followed. The one next to me, the guard, gave me another lopsided grin like before. The Boss nodded to him and ordered him to take me to a room 'at the back', as he said. I should have know better than to follow him in that damn room, but I was so sure I 'd been given work to do, and I so needed money...All these made me arrogant and impatient.

So when the man man (I later learnt that his name was Carlos) led me to that room and offered me a seat at the old couch placed in the middle of the room and a cup of beer to celebrate my entering the Mafia, I happy accepted the treat and believed I'd be soon working by his side as a partner.

But the next day found me tied on that couch with ropes, a gag in my mouth and Carlos pounding in me with a rhythm that soon made me bleed and scream from pain and fear...

That changed my mind for sure...

_**-End of flashback-**_

_'Sometimes...sometimes I really how I had followed Near, no matter how ugly it seemed then...It'd be better than this now...Anything would be better than this...'._

I placed my hands on the dirty carpet and pushed my body up as gentler as I could, but the pain was too much. I brushed my hand against the skin of my bruised thighs and then brought it close to my face. Blood was staining it and I hissed in pain. I was bleeding again. "After two months?" I whispered in fear and tried to wipe my hand on the carpet as better as I could.

Two months..almost every day the same, and not always with the same person. But only men. Men filled with hormones and anger that didn't know how to hold back. Men that wanted just to come inside the broken body of a teen screaming beneath them. It made them happy like this... Hard, rough and quick...

Some tears slipped from my eyes and I wiped them away with my blood-soaked hand. Great, I'd have blood now on my face along with the dirt and sweat...

"...Matt..."

Matt had my first kiss...I wanted him to have everything of me, him and no one else. Matt belonged to me and I belonged to him. But now...Now I had nothing to give to him, supposing I would survive to see him ever again.

_'No! I have to see him again! I have to, I have to see Matt again! Even if this means I'll die trying, I have to try!'_ . I clenched my fists and stared at the rosary huging from my neck. They had allowed me to keep that on, thinking it was sexy to fuck some religious kid.

My anger almost blinded me at the thought. What had they done to me? Where was I? Who was I? Matt would be ashamed for me...

"Damn it! I have to do something!" I whispered and sat up despite the hard pain. Somewhere there would be a pair of jeans right? And a blouse, hopefully. I had to get dressed and clean myself, and then I would see what I could do. When I entered the Mafia I had a plan, right? I had a plan! I wanted to be the leader of the Mafia myself, right? Yes, that's right.

"Think Mello, think!" I pushed myself to act. I moved my legs, one step after the other. "Walk!" My knee folded and I fell down.

"Damn it!" I hissed and bit my lower lip. I tasted my own blood on my tongue. "Stand up!" I ordered myself again and I pushed my body up. I tried not to stand on my sore, almost broken leg. I almost fell again, but the nearest wall saved me this time.

"That's it, keep going...keep going damn it..." I felt dazed. God, when was the last time they had given me food? Days ago, maybe more...

I coughed a shine with the corned of my eye and instantly moved there. Something long and shiny was thrown in the corner of the room, and when I got closer I saw it was pants. Leather pants. No way. No fuckin' way!

But, on the other hand, staying bear naked for that man to come again? _'Fuck yes'_ and I picked the piece of clothing from the dirty floor. Tough, clingy leather...

"Now...bathroom..." I mumbled and bit my lips again so as not to cry out. The pressure on my knee was unbearable. But, if I remembered well, there was a small bathroom on the other side of the room. They were bringing me there to pee before and after their "actions".

"Yes. Bathroom." I said again and took a deep breath. One step, then another. One step, then another... I was close. One more step and-

"Gotcha!" I whispered and opened the door. The small bathroom was smelly like the whole underground building, no better than my room, but I hoped there was water in there. A plan was already starting to form in my mind, blurry and with no focus, but I could work with the details after I was clean and fresh. As fresh as I could be in a place like this, anyway...

"Hell, it's cold..." I hissed again as the frozen water fell on my bruised skin and scratched face. It hurt a lot, but as the time passed I could feel a numb feeling spreading over my body, and I decided that feeling nothing is better than feeling everything of that pain.

There was no soap, so I just worked with my hands and the cold water to clean my body and hair as better as I could. My hands caressed the pulsating skin of my back and butt and wiped the blood away. The skin was hot under my touch and I gritted my teeth in anger. I hoped it would heal after some time.

When my hand touched my knee I scowled. No, it wasn't completely broken if I knew some anatomy, but if I pushed it harder than this touch it would break...and send me kneel again. I wouldn't kneel from now on...Really, who was I all this time? Not Mello, I believe. I had become a doll in their hands, a puppy they used to set their anger and needs on.

"Not anymore..." I promised and closed my eyes as I had done so many times before. But now I did what I really wanted to have done: I prayed to God and Hail Mary for help...With the cross, wet from the water, in my hand and with Matt's picture clear in my mind I used the same words my mother used to pray with when we were together.

_Salve, Regina, Mater misericordiae_,(Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,)

_vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra, salve._(our life, our sweetness and our hope)

_Ad te clamamus_

e_xsules filii Evae,_(To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;)

_ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes_

_in hac lacrimarum valle_.(to thee do we send up our sighs,

Mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.)

My mind failed me...

_'Mother, I wish I could pray like you could, I wish I could sing like you used to sing to me to sleep... 'That_ prayer was meant to give me strength, but I felt so weak I couldn't think.

_'Wake up, Mello.'_ I yelled to myself and turned the water off. I was freezing.

"Damn..." I choked and grabbed a towel near the bathtub. It was filthy, and maybe before many years it was white and soft, but now it was almost black from the mug and sweat. "Nothing better than this, I suppose..." and I wiped my body quicly and as less as I could.

Protectively stepping out of the tub, I recollected the leather pants from the floor. _'Leather...All right...'_ I thought and slipped my legs in. I thought it would stick to my wet body, but surprisingly it didn't. It clung on my legs like it was meant for me. The shiny leather was wrapped around my thighs like a second skin, and I felt it suited me. But that was the last thing I cared about.

I was ready to step out of the bathroom when another glimpse caught my sight. I turned and my eyes me a mirror. My eyes glared back from the other side and I smirked. My hair had grown a little and was now caressing my shoulders, blond and straight. Bangs were falling in my eyes, empty holes on my face, dark blue and deep like doors to Hell.

The thought made me smirk. I was...well, scary._ 'That's why they don't want to face me while doing their things to me, huh? They're afraid of my eyes...'_ I thought, and the plan was eventually clear in my mind.

"Oh yeah...welcome to Hell..." I muttered and turned my back to my reflection in the old, dirty mirror. It was time for me to become who I was meant to be.

...

_Two days later_

Carlos came in with a confident smile on his lips and called my name loudly, believing I was hiding in some dark, dirty corner of the room. What he didn't expect was dressed in leather teen right in frond of him, smiling viciously at his face. He stepped back and I throw him a look that would have made even me back, and I took a step forward.

"Hello Carlos. Long time no see..." I smiled and I saw his fear shining in his eyes. That's why he always took me with my back turned to him... What a coward.

But now I knew.

I took another step closer to him and his back touched the wall. He seemed panicked. "What the Hel are you doing, Mello?" he tried to make his voice steady to threaten me. Poor try, indeed...

"What do you mean? Is it so bad to welcome you after two very long days?" I asked him, the sarcasm obvious in my voice. He gulped, and I fixed my gaze on him with all the power I could master.

"Back off, whore." he told me with a shaky voice, and I laughed.

"Whore? Let's see who the whore here is, Carlos..." I hissed and grabbed his gun from his belt. Carlos pressed more into the wall in fear.

"Put this down, damn it!" he told me as he saw me playing with the trigger in awe. A black, shiny 9 m.m...What a beautiful gun...

"No...I'd rather not.." I said cutely and starched my arms. I was shorter than him being only fifteen years old and him almost twenty, but that difference didn't make it easier for him. Having the gun -his gun- I had the upper hand. And I liked it.

"Mell-"

I shot. A bullet right in the middle of his forehead was enough to make his body collapse and fall right in front of me.

My first murder...And by no means the last one.

...

_Today...Four months later _

"Boss..."

"What is it?"

"We've heard something new about this Kira investigation"

"Tell me"

"There's somebody called _'N'_ out there who's running the whole thing along with the SPK. That's all we know for now, but we're keeping contact with th-"

"That's enough for now."

"Uh...But Bos-"

"I said it's enough for now. You did good."

"Thank you, Boss."

"Off you go..."

The door closed and I smirked, snapping a piece from my chocolate. Oh I was close...I could feel I was close, and all I had to do was stretch my hand and grab the victory.

Four months. Just four months and the Japanese Mafia was something new. New guys, loyal to me and nobody else. Me, a fifteen year-old boy. Men around the age of twenty that couldn't take a second look at me without gulping, without gasping, without their hearts beating faster.

Guys who had guts. If I told them to go eat flames, they would. Because I was the Boss and they knew it. Because they would be sent flying with one word of mine. Because they would be dead if I wished...

It wasn't difficult...not at all. After you shoot once, you can do it again. The fist dozens of times are hard. After those, your hand automatically finds the trigger; your brain doesn't even register the move of your finger.

It was easy to shoot all the guards and then head to the room and take one last look at the so called Mafia Boss before I planted a bullet in his skull. He had screamed soundlessly and he had collapsed on his couch, trapping the whore he was riding underneath him.

I let the poor girl recollect her clothes and go. I swear she had sent me a thankful glare before exiting the small, smelly place. Sparing a second look at the bloody figure on the couch, I had saved that girl...She was around my age, maybe a year or so older than me. Blonde...She reminded me myself...

And then the Mafia needed new guys. Soon none of the elder members were left, and new guys started to come, one by one or together. Some young, some older, but all with the same purpose: money, death and girls... I didn't mind the reason; I just needed something to start with. And those guys were the best I could get. Really...

Oh, and I? My team, my Mafia might have been the most energetic team in Japan the first three and a half months, but the Boss is never left unknown. To the underground world I was _M_, thought my minions never dared to call me this. For them I was _The Boos_. Something like The Godfather, but more young and even more willing to act. I had a motivation, after all...

Now, sitting at my bright new leather couch, dressed in mat leather pants and a leather vest, I was calculating the days. One hundred twenty six...

_'Not bad...M did it well this time...'_

Some jobs at banks, some pressure by the gentle caress of an icy gun on your temple and everything would work just fine!

"This new one, though...It won't be easy..." . SPK huh? I had to have expected them to co-operate with the government. And of course there was that mysterious guy running the whole investigation like in every shitty film I knew so far. The shady guy that was the link to everything, the source of every info, the leader.

Something like what L used to be some months ago.

But...Hell, it was obvious...

"...N?" I huffed and stared at the melting chocolate between my fingers. " You haven't change a bit...Near."

_**...All right, this is it(a little short, maybe, but oh well...^^). Did you like it? Oh, give me something to think about while I write my next little chapter! W-W Pleeeease?**_

_**'Till my next chap**_

_**xxx**_


	10. Chapter 10 : Together Again

_**So, hello again. It's been a while, almost a year since I last wrote something in F.F, but now I'm back! Not for long, though. Times are difficult, you see, and my free time's limited, but I have a few days to do something new with this story. From this chapter on we don't care about the dates, this is almost the center of it. I hope I can make it in time and complete "Easy", I don't like leaving things like this at all!**_

_**Anyway, this is the next chapter, and it's for you! Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Together again**

_Matt POV_

_February 1 , 2011_

I was going to die...

The gun pointing at my forehead and the slight pressure of another gun on my back told me that I didn't have much time to spend in this world anymore. But I didn't care. Oh, no...enough with the crybaby. If I were to die, I would die with a smile on my face and the last thought of him in my mind.

_'Mello...I wonder where you are now...'_

I bet somewhere with his friends, happy, bossing them around as he always used to do...I smiled at that last thought and I felt my eyes ready to spill the tears I was trying to keep inside.

_'Well...I didn't get to find you, Mels...I'm sorry.'_

Ironically, I was going to die the same date my mom gave birth to me, hoping I would survive to be someone special, as she used to tell me when I was a little kid.

'How typical...Sorry I let you down mom.' And I closed my eyes tightly, ready to die. For real this time.

_**-Flashback-**_

"So, Josh, you are leaving..." Chris' mom stated, glaring at the bag I was holding. I nodded once and feign a smile at her.

"Thank you for everything, miss Jean. Now I'm able to go to Japan, thanks to you!" I cheered, and the woman smiled.

"'Bout time..." a muffled voice was heard and Chris popped her head out of the Pet Shop's door. Her eyes fixed on my face, she walked closer and waved. "Take care of yourself, or I'll find you and give you a hard time. Capeeshe?"

I nodded and waved back at her, the bitter taste of losing a friend -again - getting stronger on my tongue. "I will." I said and turned my back to her and Jean, hoping they would get inside soon. They had a home, and a life to live. Me, on the other hand, had nothing but a suppressed dream in my bag and a combat in my mind pointing straight to Japan. I would start my investigation and I would search for Mello. Oh, he was so dead if our paths met...

Who am I kidding? I was dying to see him again, and I found him I wouldn't hurt him for anything.

Well...not much, at least.

The years I had spent in the pet shop - instead of the moths I had planned at the beginning - had provided me the money for a ticket to Japan and, if I was lucky, a small room somewhere in the huge city of Tokyo. So, when I got on the plane, the only thing I had in mind was my poor Japanese.

_'So much for going to Japan. What are you going to do if you don't know to speak, huh?'_ I wondered and instantly opened my laptop and clicked the first Japanese dictionary my eyes feel on.

_'Oh, man...that's too much!'. A million pages, with another million words each? How am I supposed to learn all these in five hours?'._ I sighed and clicked a random page. I had work to do...

_**Some pages later...**_

_'No way..._' I knew nothing! And the plane was... two hours to Japan, damn it!

"Mello...how did you get there?" I mumbled through my teeth and turned the pc off. I let my body relax and fall back on the plane seat.

And that is the point where everything starts to get really hard to remember, because I suddenly I couldn't breathe, see or hear anything! Something in my mind was screaming that this was no good, but I already knew.

When I woke up, I was tied, and a very familiar gun was pointing at my temple...

_**-End of flashback-**_

"Stay still." a harsh voice ordered me. Yeah, like I would move! With this finger ready to pull the trigger? I don't think so!

"Ok, ok man, chill out..." I mumbled. As I moved my eyes, a dull pain started to expand at the back of my head. Possibly from a hit...

The man in frond of me, tall, with shaved head and tattoos, huffed and spoke to somebody I couldn't see. "So, you think this is him?"

"Pretty sure he is...Red hair, green eyes..." the unseen man said, sounding sure. The tattoo freak smiled.

"Oh yeah, this time we made it! Wha?" he turned to me "what are you staring at?" he angrily asked and I gulped.

"Ah...yeah...ehm...who are you guys?" I asked and tried to turn my head to the side, but I found I couldn't move.

"You don't need to know, Mr. Alister Tenoski!" he ironically answered and spat the name at my face.

"What? Wow, wow, wait a minute!" I started to panic for real. Who were these gyus anyway? "How did you call me?"

"What, you don't know your own name now, _pretty_?" the tattooed man mocked.

"Well, not _this_ name! That's not _my_ name!" I yelled.

"...Moka..." the unseen man lightly said "don't get mad at him. The Boss said he is clever and he might try to trick us...Stay calm."

"But I'm telling you I'm not this...Alister-whatever! I'm-"

"Oh, shut up...". A fist crushed against my head and I saw stars. Just by the time I was losing consciousness, I heard the man I didn't have the chance to see scolding the tattooed man, and I found the sense of justice almost euphoric...

"Now you call this '_right handling of the situation'_? Mello will get really pissed now..."

Mello...Mello...The darkness within my head was blocking me from thinking straight, but that name ...it belled a ring somewhere inside me...

_'Mello!'_

I almost - _almost _got out of the bliss, so surprised I was to hear his name.

But then again, wasn't I searching for him all this time? Didn't I want to find him so desperately all those years? Wasn't he the reason why I left behind me a happy life at Wammy's and a nice two-year job in Winchester?

Finally, I was getting to him...

_**Some hours later...**_

SHOT...SHOT

"YOU IDIOTS! YOU BASTARDS! You-you ASSHOLES! USELESS, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!"

'Stop shouting...'

"I ONLY ASKED YOU TO BRINK ME THE LINK! WAS IT SO DIFFICULT TO REMEMER WHAT I TOLD YOU?"

'...damn...my head hurts...'

"Tall, skinny, redhead, green eyes, but OLD! Old, damn it! Over thirty years old! And you? You brought me here this teenager! He's barely eighteen!"

'...seventeen...I'm seventeen, damn it...'

"Boss, were sorry! We didn't mean to-"

"OUT! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! Because of you a total stranger is brought here, we've lost the Link and I have to kill this man!"

"Boss, pleas-"

"OUT!"

A door closed angrily, a train of shoots was heard, and something fell on the floor with a dull thud.

_'Where am I...?'_. Eyes still closed, I could only tell I was lying on something soft - a sofa, maybe? My heart started beating alarmingly fast, setting my body in a state of danger. Something was telling me that everything was fine, but I just couldn't remember...

I dared to crack an eye, just to cast the environment. I was in a sofa, indeed, inside an old room with peeled wallpaper. With his back turned to me, a slim frame - too familiar to be unknown - was sitting on a chair with_ his_ (or so I could tell) head in his hands in desperation.

In a heartbeat I recognized the frame. He was taller, thinner, dressed in black, but his hair was still this extraordinary golden blond color I knew so well, the shape of his shoulder blades was just like I remembered (right bone a little curvier than the left) and...it was _him_...It was Mello!

As if as he had heard my thoughts, Mello turned to me and pierced me with his eyes, icy blue as always, but more mature after all these years. He stood up slowly, like a hunter ready to capture a bewildered animal, and knelt to catch his gun. He encaged it and turned it to me slowly.

"They brought you here by mistake and I don't want to do this...But no one, and I mean no one, enters here without being one of us." he stated and slipped his finger in the trigger.

"Wait, what are you doing?" I mumbled. No, didn't he recognized me? Me? His friend? _'Oh no...'_

"I told you, I have to do this. Please, forgive me..." he said and grabbed the rosary we wore, kissing the silver cross.

_The_ rosary! He still had it! This scene, so familiar, brought tears in my eyes. He hadn't left it behind in Wammy's, but I never expected to see him wearing it again...

"You...you still have it..." I whispered. His expression was somewhere betwin confusion and fear.

"What do you mean?" he carefully asked, eyes narrowing.

"The rosary...You still have it. I never really thought you took it with you..." I said, and I saw his eyes widen, this time in surprise.

"What-what do you know about the rosary?" he lisped.

Wow...I made Mello lisp?

"You really don't remember, do you? I was the one who gave you this, Mels...". My voice sounded really sad even to my own ears. Damn, it was one my best memories...How come he had forgotten?

"It can't be..." he lowered the gun and stared at me. I understood he was searching for something in my face, and I remembered I was still wearing the goggles. The bastards had taken them off only to justify the color of my eyes and then let them on my eyes again.

But then again, it was my signature...He had forgotten me. With a slow move I took the goggles off and blinked as the light fell in my eyes.

Mello gasped and the gun fell on the floor again. "Matt?" he whispered. I smiled at my friend and stood up.

He was just a year older than me, nineteen, but we had the same height. Only he was thinner than me now. He always was thin, come to think of it, but now he was...well...almost bony. He still had the grace I remembered so well, though. I recalled the happy days we had passed and I longed to see Mello smile again. This careful, suspecting look upon his face wasn't him at all...

"Hi Mello...long time no see, huh?"

* * *

_**Next chapter's going to be longer, I hope, and more interesting. Hope there is something you like in here...**_

_**Till my next chapter**_

_**xxx**_


	11. Chapter 11 : Surprises

_**From this chapter on, no date is known or written down, 'cause it's time to Unleash My Imagination!...And when one creates (thought I don't believe this is a creation), time has no meaning.**_

_**Enjoy..**_

* * *

**Surprises**

**_Mello POV_**

_'No...it can't be...it can't be...'_

I felt my legs couldn't support me anymore. He was here, Matt was here! Somewhere inside of me, my happiness and my fear were dueling, and I didn't know which of those feeling I wanted to win. My happiness that Matt was eventually here, or my fear that he was...well...here! The risk, the danger was too much to stand!

For God sake, I had left Wammy's in order Matt would be safe. Yes, away from me (and this had the biggest cost of it all) but safe! And now he was here, smiling at me...

Why were my legs shaking? Damn it, I had to be strong and just pretend that I didn't know him!

Truth be told, I should have been able to recognize my best friend when the Mafia guys entered this room, dragging his body along. But Matt wasn't the one I was originally waiting! I was expecting to have a hostage, an essential Link of the SPK! And, instead of the Link, those bastards let my best friend in the Mafia!

Matt and his special talent to appear in front of me at the most unconventional time! _Argh!_

But I could never deny I was happy to see him again...Oh, I was happy...And in pain at the same time. How could I be called his friend when I can so easily forget the face - the beloved face - of my best friend, my-

_'No. Don't!'_ I ordered myself. I felt a cooper color creeping up my face. I shock my head and tried to hide the blush behind my locks.

_'Matt...I wish I could welcome you the way I want to...'_

The only thing I wanted to do was hug him and never let him go. But no. I didn't have the time to do this. Outside the door my minions were waiting from_ me_ to decide for _their_ fates. Most importantly, they were waiting to hear the shots that meant I had kill the intruder. Something I would never do. Instead of it I simply stared at Matt. How older had he got in four years...

I took a step towards him, my lips slightly parted in awe. He had grown stronger, taller, even more handsome than I could ever imagine. The little boy I had left back in Wammy's was now a man. His eyes were still the same, though...those emerald orbs I so loved were staring back at my eyes. He was the only person I knew that could stand my glare.

Maybe that's why I loved him so deeply back then, in the first place...

_'That's not the time for it, Mello.'_ a voice whispered in my head. I inwardly agreed, but my heart had a very different opinion.

"...say something..." Mat almost pleaded and took a step closer to me.

"What are you doing here, Matt?". His name fell from my lips, unused, almost unknown after four years, and my voice cracked.

"Well, not the kind of question I expected...but it's something out of nothing, right?" he gave me a pained, almost comical look that I didn't recall having seen ever again in his eyes.

"Matt, I'm serious, what are you doing here?" I asked again, impatiently this time. I wanted to know the exact reason why he was risking his life being in Japan, so far from the only place he had ever called_ home_.

"Isn't it obvious? I came to see you!" he arched his right brow as if he was stating a logical fact.

"Are you crazy? This is the freaking Mafia we're talking about! You can't just come by to say 'hello'!". I tried not to yell and my voice came out muffled. Matt's face reddened from anger.

"Oh yeah? Well I wasn't the one who left without a 'goodbye', Mello! So why did you so easily disappeared, huh? What makes you different from us humans?" he almost spat in my face and came even closer.

" I left to protect you, dipshit! That's why I didn't say goodbye!" I said and clenched my fists.

"Huh! Humor me! Say that you didn't have the guts to face me, Mello, and don't lie to me!" Matt mocked and his eyes burned with rage.

"Shut the Hell up, you don't know shit about it!" I eventually screamed.

"Then enlighten me!" he yelled himself and crossed his arms on his chest, huffing.

"...it's not the right time to do so." I stated and tried to calm myself. No, the decision to blow his mind wasn't the right.

Then why did I have to try so much to convince myself?

"Huh!" he exclaimed as if I had proved him right. "Now you said it! Little Mello is running again, avoiding the highly unwanted situation as always!" he screamed and turned his back to me and started pacing away.

"Screw you!" I hissed and grabbed his shoulder, pushing him on the nearest wall. "Don't you ever say that, Matt, ever! You don't have the slightest idea how it hurt me to leave you behind! I loved you, you thing it was easy for me to forget you existed? But I had to! I had to if I wanted to come back one day, having created a better world for you to stay...". The words flew from my lips easily, but sweat was running down my forehead. I was shaking. Why didn't he see it? It took the best of me to spoke those words out, it was like shoving a knife inside my heart...

"...I wanted to come with you..." he whispered, staring at the floor. " I wanted to do everything for you. I would die for you if you asked me to..." he breathed and let his head rest on my shoulder. "Mello..." he gasped. " You don't even imagine how it hurt me to be left behind...How lonely I was...For four years the only thing I was thinking was how to come find you and give you a good smack on the head..." he hysterically laughed, legs and hands trembling. "But now I'm here, I don't have the courage to hit you as hard as I wanted, so...So please kill me...I'm a coward..."

"Don't' be silly..." I muffled, and angrily found that my eyes were filled with tears.

"Oh, I'm the silly one here...Of course..." he mocked and his hands circled my waist, resting all his weight on me.

"Hey..." I whispered. Having him against me again was utterly out of my dreams. "C'mon..Matt, you all right?"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah, I can tell..." I rolled my eyes and held him up. " You need to rest. Did those freaks hit you?" I asked, already planning their punishment in my mind.

"Nah...Just a punch...I will survive. I'm stronger that I look, you know!" Matt protested and I smiled.

"Oh, of course you are Matty...Come on now, let's go somewhere a little more peaceful, shall we?" I suggested, helping him on his legs.

"Your place?" he asked and gave me a curious look.

"Well, I rarely call it so, but yes...I guess." I shrugged and adjusted his goggles on his eyes. I had to cover him some way. He was way too attractive for his own good, and the memories of my fist days in the Mafia still remained very vivid. I had to protect him.

"What about them?" Matt nodded to the door.

"Hm? The guys that brought you here? My men." I quickly said and threw a cape on him, to cover his clothing. My men would find out soon that Matt was a friend of mine, but I might had the time to make him disappear sooner.

"Come" I told him and opened the door. The corridor was empty, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me, driving us to the closest emergency exit. "They mustn't see you here. I will make it this way that they'll believe you're dead." I explained and I felt him stiffen.

"Why?"

"I told you, you're not safe. Mafia knows no friends, only allies, and you are not one of us." I strictly said and opened an old, rusty door ten feet from the ground. A short rope ladder was hugging, and I pushed Matt down, completing our escape.

"Then I can be one of you, right?" he asked, and my blood froze in my veins. Matt? Inside the Mafia? The sole perspective was doomed instantly in my mind.

"Forget it. Com now, get on." I told him and rode the dark blue motorbike parked on the pavement.

"Wha? That's yours?" he rode behind me, his eyes wide in awe.

"Being a Mafia Boss has it's benefits?" I said smiling. I hit the pedal and the noise of the pump covered his scream of exclamation.

"You never said anything about being a Mafia Boss!" he yelled into my ear and I grimaced in pain.

"Really? Rather forgot about it!"

_**...after some minutes, somewhere in the suburbs of Tokyo...**_

"Me and myself welcomes you home..." I whispered as I opened the front door of my crampy, so-called apartment.

"Wow...can't be worse than your riding, don't worry..." a dizzy, missing steps Matt whimpered and stepped in the apartment.

"Yeah, well, whatever..." I mumbled and closed the door behind my back.

Looking around the central room, I had to admit it was filthy. I had never cared to tide, or even take the rubbish out, or even collect the shiny chocolate wrappers that lay all around the dirty floor and couch. Not to mention the dirt itself that covered the old, worn out carpet and peeled walls. I had to have repainted them long ago, but I never thought I needed to. Truth be told, I never stayed in there for a long period of time, so I never felt it was vital to stay in a clean place...

Well, while Matt was in there the place sure looked filthy like Hell, but what could I do?

"Nice place..." Matt hummed and sat on the couch with a content smile on his face.

"Eh?" I shook my head in the loss of words. I look around once more. Still, nothing was worth being called "nice"...nothing but the creature sitting on my couch...

"Yeah. You still have to clean a little, and it's just might get residential!" he teased and lie flat on the back of the couch.

"You're being very helpful..." I huffed and sat next to him.

"I know..." he said and looked at me smiling. "You know, you haven't changed a bit. You only got taller. They stretched you at the Mafia?" he teased again and I held back a laughter.

"Yeah, it's common, just like washing the dishes!" I exclaimed.

All right, this was awkward. When we were younger I never had the urge to do something else but talk to him when we were like this. But the air was getting thicker with tension, and I didn't like that.

"But your eyes are still the same..." Matt whispered as if he was talking to himself and stretched a slender finger to caress my cheek, trailing a path up and down the angles of my face. He stopped on my lower lip, somehow burning under his touch.

"Matt..." I breathed.

"I remember the taste, you know..." I froze. Why did he have to make me feel this pain again? The pain of loss...If I wanted to keep him alive I had to stay away from him, and this finger wasn't helping!

"You were sweet...and soft...And I thought I could stay like this, kissing you I mean, forever. I didn't even have to breathe...It was easy to stay like this..." he threw his head back and laughed quietly. "Sometimes I believe it was just a dream, and I laugh, you know. I laugh so hard that I cry...". His voice fell in a low whisper.

"...You don't have to cry..." I muttered.

"I cry" he said as if he hadn't heard me " 'cause I wanted this to last...and it didn't. I left Wammy's and got a job. I wanted to have money to travel here, start my own investigation and find you through the net. I'm a quite capable hacker, you know...". He stared at me and his emerald eyes were hazy. "I'm here now, but...I don't see the reason anymore. You're cold..." he said and closed his eyes.

"You don't even know..." I mumbled and touched his face with the back of my hand. His cheek was soft, so was his reddish, messy hair that fell into his eyes. His goggles hung loose around his neck. I crawled closely to him and laid my palm on his face. "I missed you...Matty...". He opened his eyes and single tear rolled down his cheek.

"I missed you too, Mels..."

Next thing I knew, he was sobbing, held tightly against my chest.

"Mello...Mello..." Matt sobbed and I circled my hands around his frame, huging him tightly.

"Shh...I'm here...I'm here" I lolled him and slipped my fingers in his hair. They felt like silk against my skin...

"Don't cry..."I muttered and pushed his face up with a finger under his jaw. Eyes shiny from the tears, lips plump and soft...Even while sad, Matt was my unique temptation.

"You're so much beautiful when you smile, Matty..." I whispered and wiped his tears with my palm. "Don't cry anymore..." Without thinking, I leaned closer and wiped a teardrop with my lips from his cheek.

...salty...

"Mello?" he questioned with a trembling voice.

"Hmm?" I hummed, lips traveling up his cheekbone only to follow his jaw line down to his cheek again.

"What are you doing?..."

"Wiping your tears, what else...?" I said and cupped his face. His eyes, disorientated, followed my lips with a hungry glare.

"Stop staring me like this, Matt.." I groaned.

"Huh? Like what?" he absentmindedly questioned, still staring at me.

"Like you want me to do something damn it!" I mumbled and leaned even closer, bringing our lips inches apart.

"What if I want you to do something?...". His breath was tickling my face, and I so wanted to close this insignificant distance...

"You are a fool..." I whispered, feeling the heat absorbing me whole, wiping away every logical train of thoughts.

"Then we are both fools." he breathed and grabbed my face with both hands, smashing our lips together.

My breath caught as I felt his lips moving against mine, and I soon melted into the kiss. His soft tongue soon followed, wanting access in my mouth, which I allowed greedily. He pushed himself on me and sat on my lap, pressing against me urgently.

"Matt..."

"Shut up and kiss me.."

I found my hands were underneath his blouse, caressing the smooth skin of his belly and torso, feeling him tensing under my touch. His impatient hands were already undoing my vest, exploring my body and his lips followed, leaving a trail of kisses as they traveled down my neck, collarbone and chest. Before I knew it, I had slid off his blouse and my hands were sliding across his body while his tongue was divng in the curves of my chest and belly. I snapped out of it only when I saw him knelt in frond of him, his fingers working on my pants.

"What the heck are you doing there?" I husked.

"Undressing you. Pfff..." he angrily stared at my pants. "Where did you get them? At an anti-theft shop?"

"Jesus..." I rolled my eyes and unbuttoned my pants for him "Happy now?"

He stared at me speechless. "Partially." and he bowed again, sliding the tight leather off my thighs. I blushed at the growing bulge in my underwear, but Matt seemed amused. He gave me another hazy look and then slipped his fingers in the underwear, wich soon followed the leather pants to the floor.

"I have never done this before..." Matt muttered and held me in his hand. The sensation was...strange. Matt was touching me for the first time. But I wasn't being touched for the first time...

I felt something soft and wet swirling around the tip of my cock, and when I looked down I almost came from the sight. A flushed Matt, knelt between my parted legs was-

"ah!" I gasped and grasped the arms of the couch as a strong vibe shock my whole body.

_'That was...strong...'_

_Swirl...suck...lick..._

I was sweating, and the vibes were getting more frequent and stronger.

And then he hummed. My mind almost exploded in pleasure, and for a shot second I thought I couldn't hold back. He was still sucking and licking...He hummed again and I grabbed the back of his neck with a shaky hand.

"Matt...huh..."

"Hmm"

"D-don't..."

"Hmmm?"

"Agh! Don't hum, d-damn it!"

I felt a tongue traveling up and down my length and my eyes rolled back in euphoria.

_Lick...Suck..._

"...ah..."

His throat clenched around me, sending me over the edge.

"Don't...I'll..."

"Come..." came a husky voice from Matt. His eyes shine with lust and his breath was coming out in short, quick gasps. "Come..." he said and took me in his mouth again.

I felt him quickening his pace, and my head fel back. With a last, drown out moan of his name, I came, riding out my orgasm in waves that left me speechless, sweaty and panting.

With an amused smile, Matt kissed all the way up my abdomen and lightly bite my neck. His tongue licked my earlobe and when he spoke I could hear the thrill in his voice.

"You are something else, Mello..." Matt whispered in my ear. "First the anti-theft pants, now the steamy orgasm...You really are full of surprises."

* * *

_**So, how was it? Yup, I made it a little longer this time, but I enjoyed it...^^**_

_**Due to limited time I might not be posting something new for quite a long time.**_

_**Till my next chapter...**_

_**xxx**_


	12. Chapter 12 : Spark of the Moment

_**Long time no see, but after a year or so I'm back. School's out for ever for me, and hopefully I'll have time to write...So, that's the new chapter, and it's for you! **__**Enjoy!**_

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_**Matt POV**_

I was all over him...Or he was all over me. I still can't tell, and I will never be able to tell when his body started and when mine ended. My mind was off working and I remember I worked on his body with every inch of me: fingers, lips, tongue, teeth, and nails. And it was awesome. I made him, for once in his life as I thought, scream my name, mumble my name, and whisper my name...

..._moan_ my name...

I wanted to go on till he was on his knees and pleaded for more...

But maybe I'm all too kind. I let him road out his orgasm before I crawl up his body and whisper to his ear. I could feel his body shivering, but that wasn't Mello. It was someone else, waiting to take the best of me, all of me, and make me blur out things that would make me feel ashamed afterwards.

Come to think of it, I was acting like I was in control!

That 'till he grabbed my arms and nailed me on the floor, of course.

"Now" he breathed against the skin of my neck "you've gone and done it..." I felt his tongue dancing on my collarbone, his hands slowly going south. His fingers slipped in my jeans and cupped my erection, then started rubbing me lightly.

"You scum, where did you learn to do such things...?" he murmured as he unbuttoned my jeans. They easily slid off my legs, and I was found in my boxers.

"I didn't learn...them..." I gasped as his fingers were caressing me and his other hand searched for my rear.

"Then what were all those...tricks...?" I closed my eyes and my mouth tightly, for he had touched something that should have been left untouched.

"Mhh...Spark of the moment..." I mumbled as I felt his finger traveling up inside of me.

"I love the way you try to compose..." he whispered and wiped with his lips a droplet of sweat.

"Don't make me scream..." I gasped as he started to stoke me, and my head felt dizzy.

"I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...*" His wet tongue dived in my ear and sent a weird sensation in my lower regions. He continued licking all the way down the side of my face, my chest...He stopped at my belly button and his finger slipped out. I breathed warily at him, but he kissed me and swallowed my breath.

"Don't be afraid..." he muttered and spread my legs apart.

That feeling of slowly getting filled...I liked it.

His skin rubbing sensually against mine...I loved it.

Our lips never breaking for air...I lived for it.

"Mello...Mello..." I moaned as he started to move more quickly in and out of me.

"Mhh..." he bite my neck and I felt his teeth sinking in, but it sent me over the edge. "Matt...Stop me, damn it..." he breathed. His hair was sticking on his face and his eyes were hazy, glassy. His whole body trembling against mine...

"...all fours..." I moaned, and I felt him getting even harder.

"Wha-what did you just say...?"

I grabbed his face and kissed him, shoving my tongue in his mouth. "I said" I moaned as he nailed my back "take me in all fours..."

Lust...Passion...That was the Mello I loved. I was lusting after his most forceful side, the one that would sent me talking nonsense.

"Damn..." He pushed me against a wall and turned me around to face it. He pinned my hands on it and I felt him biting me. He glided against my body and forcefully took me.

"You...asked for it" he moaned between shaky breaths.

"Ahh...Mello..." He was close. He grabbed my erection and pumped me in sync with his thrusts "No..." I pleaded.

"You're driving me crazy Matt, I can't hold it..." and he moved even faster, pumped me even faster.

I came with his name on my lips, and it was divine when I felt him coming again.

_Bliss..._

I came to my senses only when I felt him trembling, when his legs couldn't support him, and he collapsed on me. Then we both collapsed on the cool tiles of the floor, trying to catch our breaths. His chest was heaving with effort, I could tell, and his eyes were closed, his lips parted for more air. I wanted to kiss them, but I couldn't get my body to move.

Internally I laughed at us. So _young_, yet so _spent_.

_'But I only want to be spent for him.'_ I thought. As if he had heard, his lips formed a smile and his eyes opened a crack.

"You know..." he whispered "I can sleep right here, right now..and it will be the best sleep of my life, I guess..."

"Yeah.." My voice was hoarse, my mind was numb, but I knew exactly what he meant.

After all those years of waiting and searching, we were finally together. All these sleepless nights, all those fearsome dreams of despair...they were to get lost. It didn't really matter where we were, where we slept. For us it was enough to be together...

"I love you..." I muttered against his skin. '_And I cherished every single moment'_ I wanted to add, but I was fast asleep before I could think of it...

"Oh...my back..." I moaned in pain some hours later when I woke up, still facing the tiles. "Damn..." My but hurt like Hell and I couldn't feel my legs! Oh yeah, and when I tried to move my right arms...brrr, I really thought it would break this time!

What was more; Mello was nowhere to be found next to me! "Mello...?" I called. I pushed - rather _tried_ to push - myself up and had a good time failing to support my own weight. Trembling in tiredness and all _nude_ I gave a glare at the room around me. I even searched under the old coach, but still...Mello wasn't there!

"All right Mel, stop it now. You know I don't like that game!" I shouted at the walls and my voice came back at me. "Pfff..."

"Stop shouting, I can very well hear you..." a muffled voice came from somewhere below. I knelt and there, behind the couch, a pair of shiny blue eyes was gazing back at me.

"What on Earth are you doing there...?" I asked and laugh despite the pain on my back and...Somewhere lower...!

"Be proud of me that I made it here...I can barely move my legs, you know!" Mello scolded at me and frowned.

"Haha, and you wanna be called a Mafia Boss? Mels, you_ suck_ and you know it!" I teased and crawled next to him.

"Oh yeah?" he mocked "If I remember well, you were the one doing the sucking a while ago..." he purred suggestively.

"Hmmm...Didn't you like it...?" I asked a bite on his earlobe.

"What do you think...?" he asked and stared at me deeply in the eyes. He seemed calm and satisfied.._.'Just like a big cat that was just fed'_ I thought._ 'But Mello is much more graceful that a feline...'_ I smiled at that thought.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, nothing...I wanna, you know, caress your fur..." I mumbled, and he glared at me suspiciously.

"I hope you didn't drink that old Vodka I had in the fridge..."

"Huh? What's_ that_ supposed to mean?"

He touched my forehead with his lips and he smiled. "Well, only a drunk man would come to say something so stupid, Matty..."

I sheltered in his arms and closed my eyes. "Who told you I'm not drunk, silly...?"

"Silly..." he muttered "..You were always calling me that when we were kids." he said and I smiled.

"We're still kids, you know." I stated and touched his face lightly.

"Not me, not anymore..." he said and his eyes darkened. In an instant, the old Mello was gone and the Mafia Boss was staring at me with angry eyes.

"Mello..Mello, stop this. You're pushing yourself too much..." I told him, like when we were back at Wammy's and he was studying too much for his own good.

"Let's get to bed, now, won't we?" he asked, changing the topic, and helped us up.

"Bed..?Is there such a thing in _here_?" I teased as he led me to another small room.

"I need a place to sleep...oh, and have sex with you, of course" he added and winked.

I rolled my eyes and he playfully pushed me onto the old mattress."I hope you don't expect a second round right now! I need some rest!" I protested, and smiled softly.

"Go to sleep, then..." and he lay close to me. I chose his chest instead of a pillow, and his heartbeat instead of a lullaby. His intoxicating smell, chocolate, a light aroma of Vodka and something that could only be pure Mello crept in my head and tossed aside every unwanted thought...I closed my eyes and wished those moment were to last forever...

_**Mello POV**_

When he closed his eyes, he drifted off to sleep...His chest was heaving up and down rhythmically, his heart was beating steadily...

...While mine had almost stopped from crashing feelings. Happiness untold, 'cause my love was at last by my side. Sadness, for I didn't know if it would last enough to keep me alive. And _fear_...Some years ago I had left Wammy's to let him free of the curse I was to wield, to create a better world for him to live in.

_'And now everything's turned upside down'_ I thought and tugged my fingers in my hair. _'Matt is here, my minions think he is dead, I'm the Boss and this stupid bastard is in danger he can't even imagine!'._ I shook my head in despair. One day I leave everything and let him have his life, another day I wake up and find him in front of me!

"What will I do with you, damn it...?" I muttered and caressed his cheek.

My phone on the nigh table rung twice. It was Moka.

I flipped the phone open and warily glared at the sleeping form net to me. Last thing I wanted was to wake him up!

"What?" I whispered

"Boss?"

"Of course it's me you sucker!" I bit my tongue not to yell and cursed Matt for being asleep next to me.

"Why are you whispering?"

"None of your fucking business! Now tell me!"

"We have him"

I turned off the phone rather that hanging up. My heart was racing a mile a minute. _'We have him...'_

We won. I won.

"YES!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, but I covered my mouth with my palm. Matt's body moved lightly on the bed, but he thankfully didn't wake up.

"Yes!" I whispered again_ 'This goes for a toast!'_ I thought and smiled. But when I turned my eyes to Matt, he was sleeping so peacefully...like a child. I decided not to wake him up. I would keep him company in his dreams instead.

With a content smile I laid more comfortably in the mattress. We had found The Link, the key to the Kira investigation. That means we had something Near didn't have. I was a step ahead.

And I had Matt. I gave him a soft glare and stopped at his pink lips and reddish brown hair. He seemed so pure, so innocent... I frowned lightly. I had to keep an eye on him and try to keep him safe for a while. But something inside me was whispering that the end of Kira was close. I could almost taste the victory on my tongue...

_Almost..._

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_*** Lyrics from Alice Cooper's song "Poisson"(you know, **__**spark**__**of**__**the**__**moment!**__**)**_

_**Pheww...Another chapter is over...I hope I'm getting this done soon. Forgive me for the mistakes you may find, it 03.00am and I'm tired, but I wanted to finish this...**_

_***yawns* ...till my next chapter...**_

_**xxx**_


	13. Chapter 13 :Racing for life

_**This chapter is following the anime date and storyline. I don't own it, I only own Moka! Oh, and it's partially based on the anime! You'll see what I mean if you stop reading the note and continue with the actual story!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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**Racing for life**

_**Mello POV**_

"We have the Book"

_The_ Book...The Death Note.

"Did the Link had it?"

"As you ordered, we kidnapped the Yagami-girl and took it."

"Where are you now?"

"In L.A"

"I'll be there tomorrow"

I ended the call and placed my hand on my chest. We had the Death Note. "Near...I won..." I whispered and closed my eyes. In my mind, L was shaking my hand with a huge smile on his lips._ 'I did it...'_

"Mello?"

_'Matt...'_ I turned and faced him. His messy hair hung in his eyes, he was naked. The dim sunlight shines on his pale skin. I smirked at the light bruises along his collarbone. He smiled sleepily and covered them with a slender hand.

"I'm hungry..." he said and rubbed his eyes. I frowned.

"Uh...I...I only have some chocolate and...Vodka." I muttered and opened the fridge's door. "You sure you can eat that?" I asked and I heard him laugh.

"Nah...I'll go buy something, then." he decided and he lifted his jeans and blouse from the floor.

"Matt."

"Hm?"

"We're leaving tomorrow." I said and took a bite from my chocolate bar.

"Yes, I figured as much. Just let me have my Laptop back so I can help you." he casually said and smirked. "You need a hacker, right?"

"Matt, you are not helping me in this. It's too dangerous." I groaned and crossed my arms. He arched a well defined brow and put his goggles on.

"Oh? So you're gonna do all the hard work and I'm just gonna sit and watch?" he mocked and adjusted his clothes on his lean body. When he looked back at me, he wasn't the little Matty from the past, but a man as stubborn as me.

"That's right." I decided. He smiled sadly and shock his head, then sighed.

"It's just not happening. I came in Tokyo to find you and help you. You're not leaving me behind again..." he said and leaned on the wall. "You won't get rid of me that easily, Mels."

I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth in anger. "I need you alive!" I shouted.

"So why are you killing me with your own hands?" he coldly asked and I gulped.

"What was that?"

"Above all, we're friends. Don't you dare forget that. Not again." he noted and unlocked the door, the left the apartment.

I threw myself on the warn out couch and bite on my chocolate. "Why don't you understand...?" I mumbled and threw my head back. "You have to stay alive."

...

With a phone call his Laptop was in my apartment. When he got back, almost half an hour after he left, he brought with him some bars of chocolate, cigarettes and Vodka. He left the chocolates next to me and I unwrapped a bar. He just slipped out of his packet a cig and lit it. He sat on the floor and turned his Laptop on.

"Tickets." I said and he nodded.

"How many of them?"

"Twenty." He glared at me but I couldn't see his eyes behind his goggles.

"You're moving the whole gang?" he asked and his fingers tapped the keys. "You don't have the money, right?"

I licked my fingers clean "You know I don't." I said and he nodded again.

"Smuggled, then..." he muttered to himself "We need fake IDs to export you little friends out of Tokyo.."

"They're not my friends" I noted, but he acted like he hadn't heard.

"...and a wealthy account to provide money..." He smirked. "Hey Mels...How would it be if the SPK paid for our transportation?"

I smiled, a bit surprised. "You can do it?"

"I can do anything with this baby." he proudly announced and patted his Laptop while adjusting his goggles on his eyes.

"Do it, then..." I said and ruffled his hair.

Then my mind flew to that TV announcement...All Mafia guys with a file in FBI would die by the hand of Kira.._.'So the guy knows our names, after all...Hmm...'_

"Matt. I need explosive machines. Two of them."

"Explosive machines?" he protested "what for?"

"Do as I say. We must have our backs covered." I simply said.

_'If Kira is right, half of my minions will die tomorrow, and I can do nothing to prevent it. I can't stay here 'cause he will know that I know, and the SPK is waiting for us with the second Death Note on hand. So they will have someone to write down our names, take our Death Note and have me killed...'_

"They won't do such a thing, you know..." Matt said and my head snapped. "I don't think they want to have their guys killed."

"Then you don't know them very well."

I wasn't surprised he knew what I was thinking. It was his job to think this way, _we_ were raised to think this way.

_'I don't mind blowing up our base in LA...'_ is what I said to myself._ 'If I can make it alive, I can still get Kira down, even without the Death Note...'_

"It's set" Matt informed me. "We're flying tomorrow morning to L.A, at nine o'clock."

...

When we landed in L.A, I could almost feel my impatience oozing out of my body. The airport was full of people moving around, cops, police dogs searching for hidden drugs...

And my minions. Eighteen men in disguise with guns and explosive well hidden, enough to explode the whole airport were surrounding me and Matt.

_Matt_...He was supposed to be dead, right? But no one would recognize him now his signature red hair was hidden underneath that dark brown rug. I had also bought him brown contact lenses to cover his shiny emerald eyes. Now, dressed in his usual stripes, with his goggles off, he was walking next to me, carrying a handgun in his back bag. I was surprised he knew how to use it when I gave it to him, but that was Matt for you. He knew everything about technology and anything around guns. He had also hide a pair of smoke bombs in his belt. For the rest of the team, he was Tony, our new hacker, old friend of mine.

Me...? The 9mm gun, assured in the secret pocket of my vest was ready to be used.

"You're smiling like an idiot..." Matt whispered at me and I instantly frowned.

"You jerk..." I said through my teeth. "Wait until we get to the base..." I threatened.

"Oh, I'm so looking forward to it..." he mused and winked at me playfully.

...

The base was a filthy place, and it seemed like it hadn't been used for a year or two. An old building, ready to fall apart at any moment and throw some tones of steal and concrete on our heads. As much as I despised it, I had to stay there. My men put on the long face when we entered, but were wise enough to keep their objections to themselves.

Nobody wants their balls pierced with bullets...

"Shitty place..." Matt said. I gave him a warning look and he "tsk"ed in annoyance.

"Come" I told them and we entered the main room of the base. An old couch, a desk and an old stationary Computer. The covered with dust and blood carpet informed us that the place hadn't been residential for more that I previously thought. The peeled wallpaper had turned a dirty green form the mould.

"Nice..." I said to myself. "Check the other rooms" I ordered my men and they scattered in the building.

"You, the newcomer" I nodded to Matt, just in case someone was still close "you can use that desk and do the hacking." Matt smiled brightly and I paced slowly to the door and closed it. The moment we were secluded from the rest of them, I relaxed.

"Pheww..." I sighed and let my body glide against the door. "That was damn crazy!" I stared at Matt who was scratching his head and laughed.

"What?" he asked "it is hot in there!" he pouted and pointed at the rug. "I still don't believe you made me wear this thing!"

"That or you weren't coming along." I cut him off and closed my eyes. "You think you can handle it?"

"Yeah. No big deal..." he said and I heard his body falling on the couch.

"Nice..."I muttered.

Silence...I could hear my men opening doors, closing doors, laughing and talking...Those men would be dead by night, and I knew it. I shivered at that thought. So many lives...

But it was for the general good, right?_ 'Bullshit...'_

I had killed so many of them in the past that it didn't mean anything to me. They would die and rest in peace unlike me who would keep living in agony...

"What are you being so thoughtful about?" Matt asked.

"I'm thinking that you should stay home tonight..." I said and opened my eyes.

"Home?"

"Mhmm...What, you thought we were going to live here?" I teased and he blushed lightly.

"Well...yes" he admitted.

"Wrong...C'mon, let's go." I stood up and opened the door with Matt on my tail. "Moka" I called the tall man walking towards me "we're leaving. Call me if anything occurs."

"The exit is upstairs..."Matt noticed when he saw me going downstairs.

"Do you expect us to get home on foot?" I said and I opened a steal door. A shady garage opened up to us. I threw a pair of car keys behind my back and Matt caught them in the air.

"What's that?"

"That's that!" I happily said and nodded. Right in frond of us a shiny red Camaro was parked.

"Wow..." I heard him gasp and I smiled.

"Like it?"

He made a circle around the car and caressed the hood "You gotta be kidding me..."

"It's yours." I stated and his eyes grew the side of saucers.

"And then you say you don't have money for tickets...?" he asked, amusement painting his voice. "I'll never believe you again when it comes to money, Mells!"

I watched him as he opened the door and got in the Camaro. He took the wheel in his hands and caressed the leather of the driver's seat. "What a beautiful car..." he admired and he pushed the key in the ignition. The engine purred and Matt's eyes closed at the sound.

"You're such a child..." I said and rolled my eyes.

"Mhmm...and I like it!" he gave me a happy look and patted the seat next to him "Well? Aren't you coming?" he asked, but I refused.

"Nay, I have my own _toy_..." I smiled and I uncovered a black motorcycle "Say hallo to my little friend here."

"You have a thing for motors, right...?" Matt commented but I ignored him and rode it. I pushed the accelerator and the motor roared. "Oh yeah..." I whispered and smiled at Matt. He was staring hungrily at me.

"In for a race?" I challenged him.

"I don't know where we're heading to!" he protested, but took his goggles out of his back and adjusted them on his eyes.

"Just turn right and follow the highway. We're leaving donw town." I told him and in a flow motion put on my helmet. He disposed his rug and his messy red hair was even more messy now.

"I'm in." he smiled and closed the driver's door.

"Hell yes..." I lowered the visor and opened the frond door with the remote. "Go!"

_**Matt POV**_

_'I won't let you win that, Mels...'_

I lit up a cigarette and put it between my lips. It was almost midday, so I didn't need my goggles for it was bright outside, but they protected my eyes from the smoke.

I pushed the pedal and got out of the building, then turned right as he had told me. The highway layed in frond of my eyes, suggestively shining in the sunlight. I smiled widely and bit down my cig. "Off we go!"

Adrenaline, speed, danger...I was made for that, I could tell as much. It wasn't me driving, it wasn't me pushing Mello to the side of the road or doing this entire crazy gambit to get in front of every car in the road. Lights were flashing all around me, I almost crashed twice, but damn I loved it!

I saw with the corner of my eye Mello turning his head towards me, and his eyes shining behind the visor of his helmet. Filled with amusement, I pushed the gas even more and overtook him in a turn.

"Ha!" I cheered. But then I saw the road splitting in two...

...and I slowed down to see where Mello was going._ 'Damn. Where is he?'_

_'Right next to you' _I thought I heard in my head and I panicked. My foot slipped off the pedal and the engine almost turned off. "Damn it!" I hissed and moved my legs to place. He was in front of me, spinning on his tires, and I was sure he was laughing! I followed, but the car couldn't catch up to him now he had gained distance. My teeth almost cut the cigarette in half.

The race was over, he had won

He slowed down and let me catch up to him. He taped my window with the knots of his gloved fingers and I turned my head to the left side of the car. A smiling Mello was pointing a side road and waved me to slow down. We were already in the west suburbs of LA. Less buildings, less crowd...

We stopped in front f of an old building - strange it was, all of the building Mello possessed were old and crumpy - with a wooden door. When Mello got down of the motor and I opened my door, he stared at me closely.

"Nice race. We should do that more often." he mused and I nodded.

"Yeah, now I know the road it won't be so easy for you to win!" My eyes fell on the old door and he seemed to know what I was thinking. He gave me an apologetic look.

"It's not much, but I din't have time and had Moka find it for me...It's underground, for protection." he said and unlocked the door. A narrow wooden stair led us to another door and an even more narrow apartment. Two dirty rooms, a living room and a bedroom with a filthy mattress for the night. A small bathroom for one person was located behind the bedroom's door. There was no kitchen, only a fridge near the bed with a bottle of water.

"I don't expect you to like it..." Mello said and his nose wrinkled in disgust. "I don't like it either."

"Works fine for now..." I sighed and took of my goggles. "At least there is a bed...God, I'm tired..." and I half closed my eyes. It couldn't be so bad, right? There was even a plug for my laptop! I frowned. _'I doubt I can connect to the internet, though...'_

"Matt?"

"Hmm?" I hummed. Mello sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his gloved fingers in my hair.

"Get some sleep...I won't stay for long." he murmured and laid close to me.

"We do have time for what I have in mind..." I whispered and turned my head to kiss his neck.

"You said you were tired..." he whispered, but I could feel a bulge forming in his leather pants.

"Never tired enough for you..." I suggestively said and toped him. I captured his lips with mines and chewed lightly on his lower lip "I can't get enough of you, Mello..." I licked his lips and slipped my tongue in his mouth, slowly exploring the insides.

"Oh God..." he muttered and framed my face with both his hands. "Stop being so damn hot, will you?" and he unzipped his vest while I was taking off my striped blouse.

"I like turning you on." and I hooked my legs around his waist.

"Then do something about this..." he groaned and moved my hand to touch the small tend in his pants. A smile curled up my lips and I nuzzled against him.

"Oh? And here I thought you liked to take control..." I smiled brightly as I met his fogy eyes. He closed the distance between us and his arms locked around me, then he pushed me back on the mattress.

"You didn't really wanna say that, did you...?" he purred in my ear. I gulped.

"What if I did?"

He pulled away some inches to meet my eyes and glided his hand down my abdomen, over my groin and spread my legs apart. "I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to close those legs..."

* * *

_**It's late to continue this now, I have the bad habit to start witting late at night...But there's always the next day(or night), right?**_

_**Ok, if you really want to read some lemon, be patient for the next chapter! I'll try not to be late...:)**_

_**Till my next chapter...**_

_**xxx**_


	14. Chapter 14 : Last Bonds Cut

_**It's been a long, long, long time since I last updated "Easy". No inspiration. At all.**_

_**Buuuuuut, here I am!**_

_**M rating is not only for smut, and I'm so off the schedule that I don't know if I can still remember how to write…But I'll give it a try for the sake of the old days!**_

_**If you still can, enjoy!**_

* * *

**Last Bonds Cut**

**_Mello POV_**

When I rid off Matt's body, a drawn out moan left his lips and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. "Man I feel dizzy…" he groaned and cupped his eyes with his hand but picked at me between his fingers.

"Stop teasing!" I said and fell on the hard mattress next to him. He had already lit up one of his endless –I could swear they regenerate- cigarettes and was now blowing smoke towards the ceiling. "You're still on it?" I asked, annoyed that the smoke had found a way to snuggle into my system.

"One of the two things I can't quit…" Matt whispered and gave me a wide grin. "Guess what the other thing I can't quit is!"

I faked a puzzled look and my nose wrinkled "Umm…I really don't know." I said.

Matt rolled his eyes and bit on his cigarette to stop his laughter. I could see his teeth sinking into the frail stick and I secretly hoped it would fell off. "You just like hearing it…" he hissed but turned to his side and hugged my close despite the smoke constantly coming out of his lips.

"Not right now." I cut him off and sat straight up. Game time was over and I had to do some serious shit. And I didn't want him involved in any of it. _'But…I need him in it.'_ I thought and mentally slapped myself for being so unable to make it on my own. L must have been dancing in his grave.

"Ok, got it…" Matt sighed and slowly put on his boxers, still shirtless. "What should I do, Boss?" I snorted at the title but let it pass and got out of bed.

"I had one of my men installing a secret camera at the SPK. I need you to watch them tonight, all night long, and call me if you see any of them depart. Got this, too?" I asked and pushed my leather pants on. Behind my back, I heard the quick taping of his fingers on his laptop's keys and I smiled because I knew him so well. When Matt was around his Laptop, things were getting serious.

"Roger." he muttered and a new wave of smoke met with my nose. When I turned to him he was furiously taping. The low buzz of his computer would keep him company for the next hours, that I was aware of. I just hopped I would be able to replace it sometime in the very near future.

I just hopped I could make it alive back to him…

"Stop worrying, you'll get wrinkles." he commented and rose his sight from the screen. "You'll be fine." he said matter of factly. "I'll be watching over you…" he whispered and smirked, still staring at the screen.

"Sounds like some crazy angel patrolling to me…I don't feel safe at all!" Half of my sentence was true and he knew it. Sadly, I had no time to explain all the aspects of him being an angel.

"You have to go, Mels." Matt reminded me. I hated it, but I had to go.

"Ok." I leaned closer to him and placed a kiss upon his messy red hair. His eyes fixed on mines so intensely that I felt my hairs rising.

"Don't you _dare_ die, Mello." he said and pushed his lips against mines. His kiss was filled with love, care and smoke. It was so powerful that I had to press myself to unlock it. I turned my back to him and put on my jacket. Just when I was ready to open the door to the living room, a thought stopped me. There was one thing I needed to say, apart from the obvious.

"Mihael." I whispered and the tapping seized. "My real name is Mihael Keehl. And I love you." With that, I opened the door.

"Mail Jeevas." I heard him say and smiled. I knew it was coming. "And I love you too, Mello."

The door closed behind my back and I paced through the living room, I opened the central door and I left the building. Nothing had changed, but everything had. With our last secrets revealed, our names, it was like voicing our fear for our lives. It was the last sanctuary, those code names, one last bond cut with Wammy's.

But at the same time, it was the ultimate farewell for us. He knew I might not survive that night.

**_Matt POV_**

When I heard the door closing, I stopped tapping and let myself indulge in _shivering_. I suddenly felt so cold I wished he had left me his jacket, though I despised leather. I put on my blouse and jeans to prevent myself from undergoing hypothermia and fixed my eyes on the screen. I had to distract my mind from what had just happened. It was enough that _we_ knew.

The building of the SPK was quiet and I hoped it would remain like this for the rest of the afternoon and the night, so Mello would make it alive home. So, instead of staring endlessly on the building, I diverted my attention to something better.

I smiled smugly as I turned on the microphone of the small, almost invisible bug I had implanted in the underground Mafia Base. I knew Mello would be pissed if he found out that I was spying on him, but I had to have an eye on him and make sure he was fine.

_'Well…better say I have an ear on him…'_ I thought and grinned._ 'Soooo…..listening to Mello and staring at the SPK base…'_ I kind of hugged my laptop and lay back at the mattress, placing it on my belly._ 'How hard can it be?'_

**_...Almost midnight..._**

As it proved, it was hard enough. I had to strive to fight back the urge to sleep out of boredom. It was minutes to midnight and everything was silent and still as rock, both at the base and the SPK. Just when I was ready to message my happiness to Mello, my fingers froze midways to my cell phone. A team of six men dressed in gray got out of the building, pacing slowly.

"Holly shit…" I hissed and my fingers danced on the keys. The camera zoomed in and in horror I recognized the general inspector of the team. I watched him along with the other members snuggle into two cars, separated in teams of two and zoomed out. Mentally thanking Mello for having showed me the Inspector's picture, I grabbed my cell phone and texted in lightning's speed.

**"They're coming"**

With my left hand I pushed the speed dial button and chose the only number I had, Mello's, while my right hand was toying with the voice key of my laptop. In the absolute silence of my room, I heard the vibrations of Mello's cell phone through the bug's speakers. I closed my eyes and waited.

One second to read the message and register.

One second to form the comman-

"Take your places." came the icy voice from the speakers, and the noise of twelve, or even more, pairs of foot exiting the small room filled my ears.

My heart jumping in my chest, I waited to hear the unique sound of his feet, his breath, his voice…Something indicating that Mello was still there.

_"I know you can hear me, Matt…Thank you for the message. If I don't see you again, know that I've always loved you…And I always will."_ His voice told me through the speakers and then a door opened and closed.

If I knew him, he was holding up tears. If he knew me, which he did, he would know I was crying my _heart_ out for him.

I kept surveying the SPK building, just to justify the reason of my existence, while my ears were in close contact with my laptop's speakers to catch even the faintest sound. I wanted to get my ass in the car and drive to the base as fast as my Camaro's wheels could take me. I wanted to see Mello, or at least call him, but his cell was dead when I tried.

That's when I heard the explosion.

My heart who rushed at the sound of the walls collapsing stopped when I realized that the members of the SPK didn't carry explosives with them. I would have seen them via the camera. So those were the explosives we had carried from Tokyo. So either there was a double agent in the Mafia who had set the whole building on fire, or-

"Fuck, Mello,_ fuck_!" I yelled and stomped out of the bed, into my boots and out of the apartment in a matter of moments. I remembered I didn't have my cell phone with me half way to the base, with the gas grounded and my head spinning.

"Holly fucking shit, Mello_ please_ be alive, God damn you!" I cursed under my breath and pushed my Camaro for more speed, though it was already at its end. A random car stopped before it hit me, I heard the squealing of the brakes, but my eyes didn't even flinch. I bet I didn't even see it, just record it by chance.

"C'mon!" I hissed chewing my lips and I hit the brakes right before the chassis collide with the pavement. I didn't wait for the car to stabilize; I just opened the door and run.

Thick brownish smoke was coming from the building, or what remained of it. The underground part had almost completely turned to ruins, while the roof kept falling. I wished Mello had used his genius brains God gave him and stayed upstairs. Still cursing, I used the underground entrance and rushed in.

My vision automatically degreased to two per cent due to the smoke and the loss of light. What I inhaled was mostly carbon dioxide. What was rushing into my blood system was pure adrenaline.

I run the concrete stairs up the first and only floor. Everything was set on fire; everywhere I turned my gaze to was a fireplace, ready to swallow me up whole.

"MELLO!" I yelled and took some unsure steps towards the flaming nothingness. "WHERE ARE YOU?" I screamed again and the flames roared around me. "Damn, damn, DAMN!"

I had to find him. I scanned through what seemed to be another empty room and moved on to the next one. It was empty, too.

"Hold on Mello, I'll find you!" I caught, swallowing a good amount of smoke and hot air that choked me and formed tears in the corners of my eyes. "Mel-Mello!" I caught once again, wiping my tears._ 'Why did I forget my goggles?'_ I mentally slapped myself and entered another room, the last one as it seemed. If he wasn't here I'd hav-

"Holly crap, Mello!" That came out as a whisper. I had found him, of that I was sure, for there is no one I know so blonde and so dressed in leather as Mello. Blond hair scorched were it used to be glossy, black leather almost completely burn along with his once pale white skin. Now I could see angry red burns where fire had touched him.

"Oh, Mello…" I whispered and knelt next to him. I could see his chest falling and heaving, so he was breathing despite the smoke. I would take care of his minor burns easily. What gave me the creeps was his gas mask. Half of it had melt and formed a crust over his face. I didn't even dare to think what I'd found underneath it…

"Come on Mells, I have to get you out of here…." I muttered and hugged his body. Mello had always been thin and light as a feather. Even he was almost bony now, I found it hard to heave his body from the floor and pass through the flames. The smell of his burnt skin made me want to throw up the nothing I had eaten.

"M-Matt…?" he croaked as we moved down the stairs.

"Shh, don't speak." I lulled him and my eyes searched for the exit. The rumbles had almost covered it but I made my way out kicking and swearing. When fresh air hit my face I almost fell down. "We're out!" I cheered Mello, but had faded out. "Oh, no, please…" I begged and rushed him to my car, driver's door still wide open as I had left it.

"Please, be alive…" I chewed my lips so hard they bled and the metallic taste of my own blood made me gag. I swallowed it along with the venom in my soul as I drove to our house like Devil and all his demons were after me. All I could see from the rear mirror was his face, still covered with the melt gas mask, and this sight pushed me to drive even faster.

I stopped outside our door and jumped out of my seat, grabbed his body and rushed inside. I pushed the door with my side to open and stomped inside, staring bewildered around me. I put, as gently as I could in my current state, Mello on the couch and run to the bathroom. "Please…" I whispered and emptied the whole first aid kit, shoved under the bathtub's curtain, searching for something to remove the crust from Mello's face. Some gauze winked at me and I grabbed it from the bathrooms tiles along with some antiseptic ointment.

Mello was still unconscious on the couch. I leaned above him and, in loss of something sharp I used my fingers to remove the mask. He could now breathe easier and the rasping slowly became an even inhaling and exhaling. Soon my fingers were soaked in his blood. The mask had almost unified with his skin and was coming off along with it. Afraid that he would wake up from the pain, somehow remembering the basic medical knowledge I had, rushed to the bathroom and reached in another kit Mello had.

I roughly opened the wooden box and my eyes fell on the nickel syringe with the shiny needle. As much as I hoped Mello had never used it for drugs, my heart flattered when I saw it filled with methadone. A small bottle resting in its own velvet case contained caffeine, and another smelled of fresh alcohol. I closed the box and took it with me to the small living room.

I used the methadone topically on Mello's face to ease the pain and removed the remaining pieces of the mask, then applied the ointment gently on his burnt face. His left side would be scarred for the rest of his life, I guessed, but I hoped he would somehow cope with it.

I removed his clothing carefully, trying not to irritate his skin more. There wasn't much to remove, though. His leather outfit was falling apart under my fingers, fragile like paper. His minor burns were easily covered with antiseptic and gauze. What puzzled me was his face. The area under his left eye, his cheekbone, even the skin close to his ear where the mask was put was still bleeding. I used the remaining gauze to cover the left side of his face.

_'The methadone should have stopped the bleeding, though…'_ I thought when red stains appeared on the white gauze. I had to buy some more… _'A lot more.'_ I corrected myself and lifted Mello from the couch.

"I think the bed will be more comfortable for you…" I whispered to him, though he couldn't hear me. The uncovered side of his face was dark from the smoke, as well as the best part of his body. I laid him on the mattress softly and softened the pillow under his head. "I need to clean you, babe…" I sighed and run my fingers on his face, leaving white trails on the way.

There was no towel in the house, so I complied with an old sheet soaked in water. I sat next to his sleeping form and gently wiped the dirt from Mello's face until his skin was pale white again. He looked so peaceful that I felt my eyes filling up with tears. I couldn't stand watching him sleep without knowing if h would wake up…

I moved to his body, wiping my tears along with the smoke and dirt from his skin. I couldn't stop them, so I just let them run free, falling onto my lover's, my best friend's body.

"Why?" I asked him "Why did you have to blow yourself up?" I angrily wiped my tears and sniffed. "I told you to take care, didn't I?" I took his hand in mine and run the sheet on it for the fifth time. "Bastard…" I swore.

"Shut up…" I heard a groan and my head sprang to his face.

"Mello?" I whispered and climbed over him. "Can you hear me?" I asked a little louder. A sole, hazy, disorientated blue eye tried to fix on me. When he managed, it took the angriest of the looks Mello possessed and its mighty power landed on me.

"What happened?" Mello spoke and cough his voice rough from the smoke. "I feel like I have smoked three packs of Camel…" he croaked.

"Close call…" I said and savored his frame.

"Why is my face wrapped in…" he lifted his hand and placed in on the left side if his face "gauze?" His eye again fixed on me. "What happened?"

"When you blew up the whole place, _along with yourself_, the flames spread everywhere. I suppose you fainted due to the smoke and hit your head…pretty hard." I smiled sadly. "The gas mask didn't work on you and melt instead on your face." I concluded.

"It burnt my face." Mello said and closed his eye. "I see…."

"You'll be fine. I'll take care of you." I hurried to reassure him.

"I know…" he frowned. "You used methadone on my face? I don't feel pain…"

"Just a small amount…" I said in awe. He was in really bad shape, yet his mind never failed him. Smiling softly, I leaned closer, watching not to touch his burns. "Get some rest, Mels…" He nodded slightly and tried to smile, but sleep caught him midways. His breath evened and his body relaxed, falling heavily on the mattress. Maybe, just maybe, I had used a little _too_ much methadone on his face…

I smiled, happy he could at least speak and act ...Mello-ish. I stood up and threw the wet sheet under the bed. I took another sheet from a pile and laid it on the floor next to the bed. I'd sleep next to him no matter what. There was no pillow, but I didn't need any.

_'Maybe I won't sleep…'_ I though. It was too dangerous._ 'Mello may wake up in the middle of the night. I must be ready to help him.'_ I nodded to myself and took my laptop from the bed, where I had left it earlier, and sat on the laid sheet on the floor. With a last look upon Mello's sleeping form, I turned my eyes to the screen.

_'It's going to be a long, long night…'_

* * *

_**Ok, that's a long chapter for me…I hope you like it a little more than usual!**_

_**Reviews appreciated, as always!**_

_**Till my next chapter**_

_**xxx**_


	15. Chapter 15 : Signs of the End

**Signs of the End**

_**Mello POV**_

I gazed upon Matt's body and couldn't help a smile from coming to my lips. He had been so patient all those weeks. Our dirty floor wasn't the cozy bed his bones needed. I huffed. 'I'm sure he's going hunch after all those days sleeping on the tiles.' Responding to the sound, one of his green orbs cracked open and fixed on me worryingly.

"Does it hurt?" he croaked, but I smiled.

"Stop asking every five minutes! I'm fine." Content, my lover closed his eye and his head made an empty sound as it collided with the tiles. But I swear he was asleep long before that! For about a month, it had been a second nature to him; talking while being half awake. It bothered me a lot. How would we sleep peacefully together one day of he awoke every two hours, asking if I'm ok?

But I knew he was worried, and tired. The first two weeks had been very hard on him, even harder than they had been on me, considering that I was asleep most of the time. Matt had been changing the bandages, applying the ointment, wiping the blood off my face – and sometimes of the floor – cooking for me and buying chocolate. I doubted he had even the least of time for himself. I could tell so from the huge bruises under his eyes, how pale his skin was, how dull the once bright red color of his hair had turned.

I lay back again and brought one hand to my face. The skin of the left side was rough under my touch. I was grateful I hadn't lost my eye, though. The scar could be hidden behind my hair, when they grew a little more. Big – or rather huge – sunglasses were on my list, too. That if didn't want to scare some white-haired boy on my way…

On the other hand, maybe I did want to scare that one kid…

I had never been the guy for the plan. The best of me had always been held and guided by my emotions, and that I had regretted many times in the past. It was, once again, one of these times. If only I had planned more carefully their coming, I would never have to use those explosives. If I had known the chef had the eyes…

I shivered despite the blanket covering me. What a memory! When that bastard started spelling my name, I knew I had no other choice and hoped he would die either from the gas or from his burns. Of course my blowing up wasn't in the plan, but…

"At least it went better than expected…" I whispered.

"If you consider being _almost_ dead better that being _completely_ dead….Yeah…" Matt's voice huffed somewhere below me.

"I thought you were sleeping…?" I commented and used my elbow to sit up.

"I thought you had to rest…?" he said back without wasting a gaze upon me. "That's why you're on the bed and my ass is getting _frostbites_ on the floor." It wasn't whining. It was a statement that proved just how much he loved me.

"Come here…" I said, and his eyes shot open.

"What?"

"I said…" I patted the mattress and smiled "come here. I don't want that ass to freeze."

I could almost hear his bones cracking when he slowly sat up and then stood. The sound his body made, the slow, numb move, reminded me that of a skeleton. Even his eyes were deep hidden in their holes now I could get a better view of him.

"Very kind of you…" he muttered and slowly sat on the bed, half closing his eyes contently.

"Come on, lay down…" I called him and touched his hand. Matt, ever more slowly, laid his body on the mattress and sighed. He turned towards me with a smile so bright that brought tears to my eyes. I lay next to him, as closer as I could, covered both of us with the blanket and hugged his frame. Even his clothes were cold, and I could tell he was freezing to death.

God, he had turned so skinny I could _count_ his back bones if he stretched a little more!

"Hmm…" he sighed again and crept unbelievably closer. I could feel his frozen bones savoring my heat, and after a short while his body relaxed completely and fell on the bed heavily. "God, if you had left me one more day down there, you'd wake up to find me colder than a snowman…" he muttered and hid his face between my shoulder and neck.

"You're so nuts…." I whispered and left a soft kiss on his frozen nose. "It's crazy to sleep on the floor when you know you can sleep here with me." He nodded and his teeth chattered one last time.

"It's not like that. Your wounds had to heal first." he said and made himself more comfortable under the sheets.

"My wounds are just fine!" I rolled my eyes.

"They're fine now." He stated matter – of – factly. "Two weeks ago you were still bleeding. But…" he snuggled deepest in the mattress "don't expect me to leave you alone now you're fine."

"Thank God you got it right!" I laughed and squeezed him playfully. "Now, rest. I don't want to think how many nights you spent awake on that dirty floor…"

"Hmmm…." He sneered. When I looked at him again, he was sleeping. I smiled at how tired he seemed, but how peacefully he drifted off to sleep once his head touched the pillow.

"Silly…" I whispered and tacked some stray strands of his red hair behind his ear to admire his face. He ever so slightly resembled that lithe boy I knew. The being lying next to me had grown into a mature man, despite his nineteen years. "I'm proud of you." I muttered and closed my eyes.

The last remains of my worry wouldn't fail me. There was one more thing I was concerned about, and that would be reformed into a fine plan while I would be sleeping. I smiled as I thought there were only two things that had never let me down.

Matt and my brain.

**…**

_**Matt POV**_

When I woke up, the first thing I thought was that Mello wasn't sleeping next to me anymore. With my mind on the danger alert, I shot out of bed and stepped, somewhat unsurely, into the pitched black nothingness of what seemed to be our shared room. "Mello?" I whispered, still staring into the darkness. "Where are you?" I took another step forward and my foot touched something soft on the frozen tiles. _'A sheet?'_

"Stand your ground…I'm here." Mello's voice told me, and the small flame of a candle appeared next to me. His eyes stared at me above the flame and the shadows played on his skin, creating shades somehow … _monstrous_ on the face I so well knew.

"Man, you scared the shit out of me…!" I huffed and placed my hand atop my crazed heart. "Where have you been?" I asked, seeing he had his leather jacket still on.

"Near's." he said with a vicious smile playing on his lips.

That scared me more than the shadows.

I gulped and backed down until the back of my knees met the bed and sat down. "Why?"

"He had something that belonged to me." he said and sat next to me. He slipped a piece of illustrated paper off his pocket and held it over the candle. It was that old picture I had once taken. He showed a blond boy, no more than ten years old, smiling lightly on the camera, with his straight blond hair grazing his neck.

"Well now, that _surely_ brings back memories…" I commented with a nostalgic tone coloring my voice.

"Memories are meant to be forgotten, sometimes…" Mello whispered, still looking at his younger self on the paper.

"What do you mean?" I asked, searching for his eyes. I saw that smile again, that mixture of sorrow and the need to forget shining in his eyes. "Mello?"

"This is the last thing proving I had ever existed." he blankly stated. "We have no birth certificate, no fingerprints, no bio…No existence."

"We have each other." I corrected and placed my hand on his shoulder. He nodded and the photograph moved a tiny bit closer to the small flame.

"That's the only thing that matters, really." he acknowledged and leaned on me. "As long as I have you I know I will be fine." he said. His hand pushed one side of the photograph into the flame, and the illustrated paper spread the mini fire everywhere. Between the tiny flames I could see Mello smiling to me with those unbelievably blue eyes of his, and I unconsciously fare welled him. I knew I would never see this side of Mello again, but I didn't really care. Mello would still be Mello, no matter how many years passed.

When the flame had almost touched his fingers, Mello let the paper fall on the cold tiles and put his leather boot on it, crashing the remains. When he moved his foot, all I could see was dust. I felt no sadness for that loss, neither did Mello, for he turned his head and kissed me passionately on the lips.

"I love you…So much." He whispered as his tongue dived into my mouth, caressing my insides.

"I love you too…" I cupped his face and my fingers momentarily passed above his scared skin. I wondered if he felt it.

His eyes were shut when he pushed me softly down on the mattress; his hands were gently when they took off my clothes and left me shivering in pleasure under his touch. He undressed and laid on me, the feeling overwhelming and known, no less expected than ever before. It was that time I could feel he needed me the most; and I contently gave myself, open arms, for him.

He was soft like water and hot like fire on my sore body.

"I need you too…." I muttered when he stopped over me, gazing me lustfully with fogged eyes. He didn't hesitate, nor did I want him to. What came in _waves_ I wanted to experience in_ overdose_, the strongest feeling was never enough.

He kept staring into my eyes with his hands all over me, his body glistening from sweat despite the cold. His every move screamed_ 'You are mine'_, my every moaned said_ 'We belong to each other'…_

When it ended, it wasn't _'him'_ or_ 'me'_ anymore…

It was_ 'us'_.

An_ 'us'_ that added to our lives….

* * *

_**I think that is my favorite chapter, yet it is short…**_

_**This story is coming to its end, the title was chosen on purpose and (that's a small trick) the ending of this story resembles the ending of the second chapter "First Friend"**_

_**I promise the last chapter will be longer, maybe the longest chapter of this fiction. I want to leave a bittersweet taste upon your tongues…**_

_**Till the last chapter**_

_**xxx**_


	16. Chapter 16 : An Alternative

**An alternative is always an alternative…**

**_SPK Quarters_**

It was one of those times, very late at night, when Near could not get the slightest of sleep. One of those sleepless nights when the memories would dance inside his - oh so busy at every other moment of the day- mind. And a particular memory would insist, no matter how many Asian, Arabic or British technique of relaxation he would use: the memory of Mello's face in the picture.

Mello's face in reality…

Mello's face in his dreams…

The angry, red scar along the left side of his erstwhile beautiful, elegant face; The previous paleness of his skin now destroyed, replaced by a rough, tangible even in his imagination, surface…

He blinked in the absolute darkness of his room, covered with his snow white blankets and sheets. A fine droplet of sweat, lonely and graceful, was rolling slowly down his temple. Near felt it diving into his thick, messy from sleep, white hair. He knew it would soon evaporate and leave a salty taste behind.

A taste no one would cherish.

What bothered him the most was Mello's words. As if the sole image of his old classmate and rival hadn't scared him enough, not to mention the sinister Cheshire grin Mello chose to wear that fearful night, he dared to torment him one _"last time"_ as he had said. Even with his eyes tightly shut, Near could still see his shiny, icy cold eyes, could still hear that ironic tone, that pleased high note in Mello's voice:

_"I'm glad you are terrified by my looks…And it gives me the sweetest revenge, making you painfully aware of the fact that, despite how I look like now, I will still have a lover beside me…While you, lamb, will stay untouched like the first snow of Winter : beautiful, yet alone…L."_

Near sat back on his bed and fisted his curls, gasping. That vicious voice would echo in his mind for a long, long time…

He still wasn't sure why he was mourning inside for _them_. They were destined to die; they were the perfect choices for this purpose. With all the evidence of their existence destroyed, with every picture of them ever taken burnt…

He had watched everything from the SPK cameras. Matt's shiny red Camaro as it crazily spinning around, only to stop before the policemen…His repeatedly shot body sprawled on the pavement, his clothes soaked in his own blood…Mello's truck crushing against that church, setting the place on fire, truck and passengers along. The SPK had later confirmed the bodies of two victims, the one being Takada's.

The other was Mello's.

Near was glad they didn't have the time to implant secret cameras in Mello's truck, too. He didn't know if he could have stood to see his body burning, his already scared face on fire.

His breath hitched at the thought and he gasped, chest violently heaving. He tried to calm himself and stretched out his hand to the small, crystal bell resting on his night table. He jingled it once, and after moments of silence, the door to his plain white room opened. A young woman entered, dressed in her tight suit. "You called me, L?" she asked, titling her head lightly. Her shiny golden hair, so similar to Mello's, shined even in the practically nonexistent light of the room.

"Yes…" Near mused. The woman glared at the young man curiously, for his voice sounded strange for the first time in the many years she knew him.

"What is it, then?" She asked again and paced slowly towards the white bed. He stopped just before she reached the bed frame.

"I need you to spend the night here, Linder." Near said blankly, reminding himself of the real, the only _L_. He noted the surprise on the woman's face and he smirked for the first time in many days. "I_ do_ know your name…" he said lightly and glared up at the blonde. "So, will you stay here tonight?"

Linder nodded, though still surprised, and sat carefully on the bed. She crossed her hands on her lap and stared at Near, wondering why the young man she used to consider as her boss needed her company. Given the fact that Near had never expressed any interest in the womankind…

"I just…" sighed Near as if he had red her thoughts "I just need to feel someone close to me tonight…" And he covered himself with his blankets again, staring at Linder. "You can sleep here if you want." he nodded to the left space next to him in the, conveniently huge for Near's size, bed and closed his eyes.

...Leaving Linder giving Near her most surprised and, at the same time, pleased look.

Maybe Near wasn't heartless, after all…

**_…_**

**_Winchester Graveyard_**

"Come on Linda."

The young lady lidded her eyes and tacked her long, brown hair behind her left ear.

"I wish to stay for a little longer, Roger." She said and turned to smile at the old man with the gray hair standing behind her. The latter sighed as he watched the youth taking out some blank pages of sketching paper and a couple of pencils.

"I have to go back to the House." Roger said impatiently and crossed his arms with effort, due to the many years of his age.

"Go, then." Linda said and seated herself on the white marble of the closest grave. "I have something to offer to them." Her hands flew on the paper, already creating the raw outline of two bodies. "I will catch up to you later…" she tranquilized the old man who, in the end, complied and turned his back at the gravestones. He only stopped at the exit of the graveyard to spare another glance over the three plain graves.

"So…Just the four of us…" Linda smiled at the cold marbles and patted lightly the first grave. A gothic capital "L" was drawn onto it. The woman smiled, thinking how proud L would be to see his signature over his own grave. She smirked despite the irony of the statement and averted her eyes from Lawliet's grave, with a single tear shining on her cheek. "I know you would have found it amusing…" she whispered.

Her restless fingers had created what seemed like a couple on the paper. Two figures leaning against each other, the tallest having their arms thrown over the shortest. The tear slipped lower on her cheek and was soon followed by another. Together, they slid down the lower corner of her lips and were found hanging from her small, pointed chin.

"You were so good together…" she huffed and kept on drawing. "I had _really_ wished the best for you. Not only me, that is." She continued and glared blankly at the next two graves. "Everyone in the Wammy House knew how close you were. You had always been there for one another, and when Mello left…" Linda shivered lightly "When he left, even_ Near_ was afraid Matt would chose the easy way out."

Linda wished she had brought some colors with her. How would she picture Mello's shiny sapphire eyes, how would she capture the glimpse of Matt's copper hair under the sunlight?

"You know" she spoke again "I wished we had created a stronger bond. You never really noticed me, and I never had the courage to stand up straight in front of you and say I admired you." The tears were now running freely from her eyes, spilling on the paper, on the marble, on her lap. "But I guess it's too late now." She said and caressed the icy cold memorial stone.

Her fingers followed the elegant lines that formed Mello's real name: _Mihael Keehl_. The short, angular nail of her pointer dived into the sharp line which formed the "M", then followed the italicized letters, one by one. She recalled how many hours she had spent over this fond, trying to mimic in the slightest detail Mello's handwrite, to imprint it on the marble.

"It was the least I could do…" she whispered and cupped her mouth with her other palm.

The tears seemed to have seized momentarily, but when she glared at the grave next to Mello's, they started rolling down again. "Oh, Matt..." she whimpered and her hand landed automatically on the simple, straight fond of his name:_ Mail Jeevas_. "That's how you used to write, right?" she asked the grave "Simple letters, straightforward. Just like you."

She wished she had been allowed to draw something on their graves. She would chose a bar of chocolate for Mello and a cigarette for Matt…And she believed they would appreciate it. But Roger had insisted on the graves' anonymity. He had even implied that making gravestones for those of Wammy House was _too much_, already. They should keep a low profile for the safety of the other students.

"What does he know….?" Linda coughed and wiped her tears, standing up. "In the end, everyone was wrong about you, guys." She dusted her clothes and bowed over the marble to place a kiss on every gravestone. "L showed you the way…Matt was killed to protect our world's virtues…And Mello decided he couldn't let him have his way alone, so he followed."

She smiled brightly at the graves, bowed one last time to show her respect for those heroes of the modern world and then turned her back to them. "Sometimes things are so _easy_ to understand…" she commented while exiting the graveyard. She glared at the sketch, still tucked in her hands. A smiling, goggled Matt hugging a happy Mello under the sunlight. They seemed so peaceful, so free…

"That's how I'd like to remember you."

She would place this next to the drawing of L, in her room. She was pleased those three were together now. L would keep an eye on them…

**...**

_**Somewhere on this Earth..**_

_**Matt POV**_

The bed cricked lowly under the combined movement of our bodies, that slow rhythmical back and forth rocking forced it to collide with the wall. The lonely candle Mello had lit created shadows on the wall behind us and over our naked forms; it made us feel like participating at a shadow theater, only without quotes.

His hands touched the frame of the bed and his back arched in front of my half closed eyes, his spine shined in the flattering flame. I glided my hands down his sides and he moaned as I pushed myself deeper into him, impossibly deeper…

"M-Matt.." he stuttered and his joints paled as he used the bed frame to push back against me.

"I know…" I muttered, trying to compose over myself to stop moving. The feeling of diving inside his very existence was so overwhelming; it made me forget of everything else.

A shaking Mello turned his eyes to me, unable to voice his will. I leaned closer, unconsciously rubbing against him again, and my hands snuggled around him. I pulled him straight up and pushed his head back, so his neck was revealed to me, tempting and pulsating under my sight. I swirled my tongue over his vein and felt him shiver despite the sensation. The low, long, sensual moan which fell from his lips as my teeth sunk into his flesh send me over the edge.

"M-more.." he gasped and grabbed my neck, securing my teeth deeper in his neck. Aroused, more aroused than I had ever been in my entire life, I groaned throatily and my hands locked on his hip bones, digging in and pulling him towards me. I had to bury myself in him; I had to make him feel the despair I was feeling.

Moaning his name, I pulled my mouth off his neck and lustfully trust inside him, accompanied by his muffled cries, his plea, his need.

"I can't get enough of you…" I passionately whispered next to his ear and I heard his whimper. "I want to-" I pumped his erection venomously "make love-" I bit down on his shoulder and he groaned "to you all night long…"

He mewled and pushed his body back against me "Lay down…" he gasped and I complied. He turned so he could face me and grounded himself on me, clenching his walls unbelievably tight, to the point I could not speak to stop him and used my hands to hold him down.

"Don't _move._" I hissed as his body arched, aching to reach mine. I could see that crazed, pained look in his eyes setting the alarm on. His quivering limbs, the jumping muscles of his stomach, his body glistening with sweat; he was screaming for release.

"Not just yet…" I mumbled and run a finger along his length, taking in the sight of him gasping, biting his lower lip.

My playful finger moved up and touched the sensitive head of his cock, ever so lightly pressed the meatus. His whole body tensed, if possible, even more, and his eyes rolled back into his head.

"Matt…_please_…" a dark whisper, heavy with lust…

I circled his cock with my hand and pumped it slowly while I moved in and out of him teasingly slow.

"Like this?" I asked. Mello gulped.

"Faster…" he breathed.

"Faster what?" I asked again and slowed my movements even more.

"Fuck me faster, damn it!" he groaned.

In a flow motion, I pushed my body up and pinned him with his back against the wall. "You asked for it." I breathed and shoved my tongue down his throat while moving vigorously in and out of him. His moans increased and he bit down on my shoulder to muffle them. Now, groaning like a wild feline, he clenched his grip around me and pushed me inside him even harder than before.

"M-Matt, I'm-"

"Fuck yes…_Come_…" I grabbed his cock and pumped it in sync with my movements.

The combined orgasm hit us hard. I saw his lips open in a soundless scream, while I could feel my heart ready to fail me. My mind exploded with his sight, my eyes rolled back in my head and my vision blanked.

While, practically, half of me was off, my other senses worked hard to replace the space: I could hear Mello's hitching while he was striving to breathe.

I could smell his sweat, mixed the essence of sex and a bitter aroma I could only describe as dark chocolate.

I felt him falling onto me when his body failed to support him; I felt his heat when he curled up like a cat on my chest…

I finally opened my eyes and tied to focus on the furless feline who was now stretchinghis arms pleasantly. Though parts of darkness were still chewing onto the sides of my visionary, I could tell Mello was way more than content. The glare he gave me when he looked up reminded me that of a cat which just caught a mouse in her pawn.

_'But where is the tail?'_ I wondered as I caressed his lower back. Mello arched a well defined brow at me and my dazzled look.

"What?" he asked. I grinned at him and let my head fall back in awe.

"You never seize to amaze me." I mouthed. My feline crawled up my chest and his breath hit the skin of my neck.

"That was nothing…" Mello whispered.

"Yet again, for a second I thought I'd leave my very_ bones_ on your mattress." I teased.

"Our mattress." Mello corrected and grabbed his chocolate from the night table, handing me my lighter. He put a cigarette between my lips and smiled. "I should start looking for a job now you're with me." He pouted and I couldn't hold back my laughter.

"Why the long face? What, you expected you'd be working as the Mafia Boss for the rest of your life?" I tsked and took a long puff of smoke and nicotine.

"Well, no…" Mello admitted and snapped a piece of his chocolate, chewing it slowly. "It's just that…I'll miss it, sooner or later."

"Well, I won't." I told him, my smoke coming out in short clouds as I spoke. "I'd rather have you in one piece." I commented.

In the short pause that followed, I'm sure we both thought of the same thing: How lucky we were that we got alive out of it.

_**-Flashback-**_

"I don't want to lose you again…" Matt whispered and took the candle from Mello's hands, set it on the floor and held his hands in his own.

"I know…" the latter said and lightly caressed his lover's palms. "We meet, we become friends…We part, we become lovers." He smiled and dived into Matt's azure eyes. "Isn't it strange? I mean…If I lose you again, what will happen?"

"No, Mello,_ no!_" Matt said and touched Mello's face tenderly. "We're destined to be together. But it's not always easy…" he admitted.

"What if…" Mello paused and his eyes shined in the candle light. "Hmm…"

"I don't like this look." Matt arched his brows and let his hands fall on his lap "When you start your sentence with _'what if'_, then something tells me I will not like what I hear, either."

Mello grimaced and his nose wrinkled "What if we died, Matt? What if we said Near _everything_ we know about the Kira case and die? Would they still seek for our help? No, because we'd be_ dead_…"

"Now I'm _seriously_ starting to worry about your sanity." Matt commented and Mello waved furiously.

"_Imposters_, Matt! We need imposters, so we can escape, if only for this one time…"

_**-End of flashback-**_

"It sill itches…Two innocent men died in our places…" I whispered and hugged Mello, pulling him closer. The former Mafia Boss nodded negatively.

"They weren't that innocent. Don't feel sorry for them, they paid for their sins…" he whispered and his hand covered the rosary hugging from his neck. "Besides, I would do anything, _anything_ to be with you…"I smiled at his words and cupped his face with my hand.

"Don't think about it now…Rest." I lulled him and placed a kiss upon his lips. "It's over now...We can finally be together…We're free."

What a thought, indeed…No more Kira, no more Mafia…

At last we could live like normal people, without fearing that we wouldn't see the day breaking.

We'd be_ together_…

"Sleep well." I breathed and touch his lips one more time. He smiled and kissed me back, slowly.

"I love you Matt…" he whispered between my lips and laid down on me, using my chest as a pillow.

"I love you too, Mello…"

We've always wanted a better world for each other; we wanted to cherish this world together. We had never asked for money, fame or glory. To me, nothing was more priceless that this creature lying beside me.

We had to part ways for four very_ long,_ very _painful_ years. Those years made us who we are now. And when we met again, we had to fight to stay together, against all odds. We fought to maintain our love, we lied, we killed, we…

We strived to live like we've always had. And it wasn't always easy.

But,_ damn_, who ever said life treats you kind?

* * *

_**So, it is over :)**_

_**I really hope you enjoyed the Journey and liked the Destination as much as I did!**_

_**I wanted to give Matt and Mello the life they deserved, and I think I made it. I'm pretty sad there won't be another chapter, though…:/**_

_**Oh well, never mind! ^^**_

_**Once again, I don't own Death Note**_

_**Till my next story**_

_**xxx**_


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